Dance In the Rain

Doppelganger

2012-01-25T20:32:00.006+08:00

On Monday, I was online for a while even though it was the first day of Chinese New Year. I was on Facebook, I was on Twitter, in fact I'd totally forgotten it was also the day AS results were released. But I guess I was destined to read how happy some of my friends' statuses were. They were satisfied about their results. I was a wee bit curious about mine, okay in fact I was very curious. I went to check mine, I was appalled, fucking appalled. I got an A, and I got 87 for my Maths. I was nothing close to happy, I was so disappointed at myself. I thought I could get 90, at least that was what I hoped. Bubbles popped, my first day of CNY was literally destroyed and shadowed with embarrassment and disappointment.

The following day was nothing better. I even dreamt that I was being laughed at by my friends and my seniors who scored way better than me. I was so distraught I started to worry about all the universities I dream to go. I used to be so confident that I'll one day apply to University of Cambridge. Being offered or not, I paid no effort to worry. As soon as I thought about it now, I didn't even dare to apply to it. I gave up. Perhaps I was not meant to be any closer to my dream universities.

I have even considered to resit the exam. It was ridiculous wasn't it? It is already an A, it is already 87, and I want to resit just to get 90 and above? I was on the edge of glory, but it seemed thousand of miles away from me. It worried me more when I realised I'm using AS results to apply. After hours of deep thinking, I came to a conclusion that I'll not resit the exam. Instead, I'm gonna spend my days and nights studying for the rest of the subjects. I cancelled my usual routines, substituted them with STUDY, STUDY, and STUDY. No more dancing, no more parties, no more clubbing, no more whatever-beside-studying. I'll try whatever and whichever method to mend this screwed result.

I was really despaired a day before this. My life was so ruined in every aspects of it. In term of academic, I embarrassed myself. Of dancing, I've lost all my fluidity, confidence and I dance like a duck, I mean I am ugly. Of relationship, I fucked it up. Tears are all I have. Of friendships, I realised I don't have a lot of TRUE friends. I'm tired and sick of friends who only remember me when I worth something to them. I was so done with this life I was so sick and angry at it. I almost abandoned myself to go wasted.

Fortunately, I didn't.

I spent hours in bathroom, I mean a relatively long hour to ponder what happened to me. I seemed to be a doppelganger to the past-me. The only difference was, the past-me was amazing, and the present-me is a bullshit. I realised I'm "deproving" (opposite of improving). I am so ashamed of myself. I reviewed everything the present-me did. I pushed myself so hard in academic wise. I aimed for Cambridge or whichever top universities. Even my lecturer told me it was self-torturing. I barely slept enough, yet I think I was never good enough. I sworn over friends who left me behind. I didn't let go of the person whom I should already have done ages ago. I was so tired everyday. I lost the true meaning of dancing. I danced like a robot, without feeling.

Looking back at the past-me. I can't be good in dancing, but I loved it. I did it from the bottom of my heart. For study, I did my best then I moved on. I studied, at the same time I went parties and clubbing all nights. I laughed so much I teared. When friends left me, I was still so awesome I shined. To be very honest, I miss him, I miss this person, the past-me.

Why am I trying to change myself to becoming someone I barely know? I'm not supposed to abandon dancing. I'm not supposed to be unhappy all weeks and months. I used to laugh like no body's business. I'm not supposed to have thoughts of killing myself. Where has all my positivity gone to?

I want myself back. The improved past-me, not the deproved present-me. I want the happy Ming. I want the Ming who can do his best in his exam. I want the Ming who dances because of his passion in it. I want the Ming who appreciates all his friends. I want the Ming who knows how to fantasizes. I want the Ming who aims the top for his happiness. I want the Ming who loves freely.

Stay tune. I'll be back.

Loser Like Me

2012-01-15T14:31:00.002+08:00

Sometimes you would find yourself couldn't take in anymore devastation at some points in life. You feel so miserable you think all the good things turn bad, and bad things turn worse. You have lost interest in most of the things you usually feel so great doing them. You feel so restless. You feel so demotivated and isolated. You have so much urge to accomplish something but the environment and mood never seem to lift you up. Most importantly, you feel really disappointed.

Well, that was pretty much what I had experienced in the past few days. And yet I haven't recovered from it. The feeling is still lingering in my mind and heart. I have got so many things to complete yet I'd done nothing.

You have no idea how a 'simple thing' could spoil the entire 'other things'. All those tiny great moments are still memorable, but when I tried to overview the whole week, I can only remember those moments when I sat on the couch and being emotional. Others have pretty much been overshadowed.

I'd a friend who called me loser. She is a great friend. She has been asking me to move since last year November if I'm not mistaken. Move on from the "simple thing" I'd just mentioned above. But I didn't. I tried, but I couldn't, I can't and I wouldn't. I guess it was after all due to my excuses. I tangled to it, and I didn't want to untangle it from myself, though it's really painful.

I have been thinking about it last night, or rather this EARLY morning. I'm surviving because occasional meeting, dancing, eating, chatting, laughing and smiling help. But I don't see myself having the chance to do that in the future. So when I was driving on the empty highways at 3.30am, with sad emotional songs on radio whichever channel I tuned to, I felt so despair I wanted to bang my car to commit suicide. Of course I didn't, or else who is typing this! O.O

I teared a little in my car. Simply because I knew sooner or later I'll have to let go of everything. Yes that's all I did, I didn't bang my car and crawled out from my turned-turtle car.

I cherish every moments that will stay in my heart forever. You know what, I will revise them often enough.

Loser like me, will survive too.

p.s. people in that two photos are my family. thought of sharing them :) I love them.

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T16:42:00.003+08:00

Have just recovered from hungover. Merry Christmas everyone, do not forget the purpose of us celebrating this day.

p.s. no more alcohol for me for at least a month. Till then, I'll be missing the party :)

The Speaker, Wei Wei

2011-12-22T01:20:00.004+08:00

Do you have any idea what comes into my mind, every time someone mentions Ms. Chiew Wei Wei to me? You know something that looks like a cone, with a handle and a compartment that stores battery, also an amplifier. I guess you already have the image in your mind, that's right, a LOUDSPEAKER. For once, I have to tell Ms.Chiew, please do not change this unique characteristics of yours. Although it doesn't make you look prettier or becoming a more lady person, but somehow if this is found missing in you, I wouldn't be able to recognise you.

Let's talk about my memories with you. Not a lot, but they are more than enough for me to remember you forever. You often found stuck with Deena and Rachel. To be honest, you look the most childish out of all three, but who knows, you're the fun-bringer, and the mastermind of almost all the evil yet sanguine actions.

[In class] You always sat opposite me. I had no idea why but I guess it was better than beside me. Can you imagine if a loudspeaker had been located at your side for half a year!? Frankly speaking, not much for gathering images of us studying together. Mostly because we were either making noise over who getting the hands on Jason's Pumpkin versus Monster first, or we were gossiping about who did what and planning on where to eat during break. Your "artistic" loud voice had definitely attracted Mr.Subra for who-knows-how many times already. Your typical collar top, short pants and slippers were quite a turn off. You look as if you had been to pasar pagi. Nonetheless, they seemed like the most matching pieces of clothing on you. Don't misunderstand me, not because of your look, but because of your straight-forwardness, and your cheerful personalities.

[Outside] Have you melted? You should understand why I ask so. Simply because you are literally a "puteri lilin". As long as we were walking under the sun, you would find an isle or pedestrian where it was shaded. In the case of walking on an exposed area, you would either stand behind me, or Wee Minn, because we're tall enough to provide you the shade. Oh god, Wee Minn and I should have gotten you to belanja us Chatime for this "honourable" service. Also, there were several times you had your umbrella open! Get some sunlight girl!

[Dance] I'm really glad that you supported me during the TDC's dance production. I always appreciate for all of you, PM12ians who came that two nights, for shouting and screaming. I really saw you from the stage that night :)

[Farewell] Yeah, it was my last day at Taylor's, more importantly in PM12. I thought I would really get myself into depression. But then, you all were really there at Pasta Zanmai, spending time with me. I was real touched, when the iPod was there in front of me. I was like, WOW, this must be Wei Wei's idea because I had only told her alone. Thanks a lot, for that iPod. You know what, I've been using it since I moved to Cempaka. And it really helps me to get over my depression.

[Outing] Not much outings with you. Perhaps there were a lot small ones like go makan at Kenny Rodgers at Sunway Pyramid etc. But the most memorable one was the laser tag at Mid Valley. How was it, teaming me? Awesome right? With my brilliant mind, and dancer-limbs, we could easily get NO.1 :p

You asked me, "Why did you leave PM12?" You spoke as if it was an easy decision to make. As if I didn't suffer depression, deep thinking and even crying. Now I spill them out. Yes, I thought of rejecting the offer, because of all the awesome friends I've made in PM12, even though I'm being sent to UK. I spent my nights in hostel wishing I knew the new stories that happened in PM12. But I know, I have to move on, even as I have to make sacrifices. Just as you know, I'm protecting the iPod like it is more precious than my own life. Whenever my friends ask me about it, I would start selling PM12 like a boss. They envy me, for having such great classmates. I couldn't believe even, I have you all. Want to tell you all, even though I'm always busy with dancing and things, but in my heart PM12 is on top of the list. I always tell my friend, PM12 over TDC. I go TDC, because of passion towards dance. But I go PM12, because of the warmth it radiates.

I wish you all the best Wei Wei. I really hope you would stop messing around so much in class, and concentrate on your studies. You yourself know, A2 is difficult, and yes it's coming. You called me for AS, but you know I couldn't help you for A2. Just because I'm your real friend, so I'm speaking so frankly. Forgive me. And if you're going UK and I really hope so, I'll meet you there! :D For the time being, any outings, call me *don't last minute lah* I'll try to make it IF I can.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEI WEI :)
NOTHING WINS A GIRL
WHO LAUGHS FROM THE HEART

sincerely,
your brother Ming.

Morib Trip.

2011-11-25T20:17:00.009+08:00

Has been one month since I last updated this blog. Exam had just ended last week. But I haven't got a free time for myself so far, except the Morib Trip that happened on 20th and 21st of November. It's rare, that I could own a night for myself, and actually update the blog :)

20th Nov
Was having a flash mob last night. Not really a flash mob but an OPEN dance mob. It made me so tired that I woke up quite late this morning. Waking up to eat my lunch, then went to bath, realising I haven't packed a thing for the trip yet. And Yee Lei was rushing me to meet Treston and the others at ECA. At the end, I brought two T-shirts, two pants, two underwears. That was all. So it was not surprised to see I had the lightest and smallest bag among all. I arrived ECA at 12+pm. Ended up waiting for Treston for another half an hour. We drove to YeeLei's house to meet her parents and aunties then we ciao-ed for the trip. Not forget to mention, her dad drove in a S-shape, owning the road, like a boss yo! We stopped before we reached - to makan. Awesome Nasi Lemak, sotong and satay! Oh yeah, Gosu literally flipped the ABC ice-kacang over and it landed on the table, he scooped it up, successfully saved more than half of it! It was a lovely meal then we headed to beach side to camwhore :)

We continued our journey that was finally a smooth straight line because we were no longer following YL's parents. We reached Gold Coast Morib Resort about 20 mins later. We were pissed off when the receptionist told us that the room was dirty and not cleaned as the previous customers had just checked out. We were asked to go for the water park first. Having no choice, we put our stuff at YL's parents' unit and we stripped off for the water park. To be honest, those slides seemed dangerous and terrifying. But we conquered them! The mushroom slide that allowed us to make all kind of pariah poses before we slided now, and another two super long and dark slides were the ultimate fun. My pants had pockets that slipped out easily, forming two balls at the side. YeeLei's brother was playing them all the time. We were super worried that he might turn gay in the future haha. After that we went back to our finally-cleaned unit and bathed one by one. While waiting, Treston turned on the TV, and we were actually watching TV8, with all the delicious food appearing on screen. The room was filled with "AWW", "WOW", "AHH" etc.

When we were finally all done, we headed to Sepak for our dinner. It was quite a long journey. About twenty minutes drive. Finally we found our destination after some twists and turns - The Lover's Bridge! I think it sounded like this. Immediately we sat down and ordered CRABS, MANTOU, RICE, BIHUN, OHJIAN, FRIED SOTONG. We actually had 30 mantous all together, thanks to Treston who stuffed himself with 12. We were so satisfied :D Wanting to help our digestions go better, we went to walk the Lover's Bridge. The worst and smallest bridge, and it was dark too, with patches of water on it. We walked half way and turned our way around. Went to take photos outside of the restaurant, where it had a "abandoned" ship there. Oh, there was also another "Wishing Tree" there!

After we were back from Sepak, we headed to the local bar to relax and have a drink. Luckily Edward brought his poker cards with him, so we ended up playing poker and drinking Carlsberg at the same time. After that, we went for a walk at the beach. The awesome feeling when the wind caressed our skins. When we were all exhausted, we went back to our room and again, watched TV. NTV7 was showing some kind of thriller movie, talking about how a blind girl saved herself from murderers. We were all hyped up by the movie despite we were really, really tired. All of us lied on the bed or chairs to watch while moaning why the movie finished at 1am. After that, Treston and I were hungry. We ate Hot Cup! :D And we slept. Oh yeah, there were only two beds, and we had six people. How? So we removed the mattress from the one of the bed. So then we had three beds. Gosu and Treston, Zhengyii and I, Edward and Yee Lei. Somehow Gosu was kicked by Treston, so he squeezed himself with Zhengyii and me. I almost died from falling from the mattress, and Gosu kept grabbing the blanket from me! D:

21st Nov
Waking up feeling unsatisfied because of the small place I got to sleep in D: Still feeling tired, and hungry at the same time, Treston went down to the shop wanting to buy Hot Cups but the shop hadn't open yet. SO, Zhengyii, Yee Lei, Edward and I ended up being in the Jacuzzi. Alright, nothing to talk much about it, it can only be felt by your five senses. It was so relaxing that I can fall asleep in it. Finally Hot Cups were there, after makan, we started our journey back!

p.s. I miss the sunset over there.

The Brother WM

2011-10-27T23:14:00.004+08:00

Having same initial as me, WM...represents Wee Minn! It is his birthday today. As usual, I didn't wish him like how I didn't wish Deena last time. You know, sometimes a wish ain't that easy at all. So I'm putting this on the blog again. I want this wish to be slightly more special, or at least it's sincerely for him.

BROTHER, if you ever think I forgot about your birthday, YOU ASSH*LE! I never alright! Just that damn time! I didn't have time to buy your present. So I went shopping just now, for 4 hours to choose your present :p

I am so grateful I have a brother like you. You may seem pariah and lame, but you are always the one who light up the atmosphere with your jokes. There are so many memories between you and all of us. The first brother that I know in PM12 was you :) There it goes the pariah days in PM12. The days when we teased each other like the universe never exists. The days when we were competing to play Jason's Pumpkins vs Monsters, and I do still remember you and Jason rolling up my sleeves. The days when we hao-lian each other like two bosses. The days when we kutuk people, all kind of people. I can't imagine how my PM12 life was, if you were not there! Thinking it back, your epic failed acting when you and Jason were trying to lead me away from the class on my birthday, I am laughing hard haha!

To be very honest, I miss you a lot. In Cempaka here, I miss all the jokes you cracked whenever I'm emotional. There were times like I will think "wow, Wee Minn will definitely say HAO LIAN in this situation". But inevitably, life goes on. There are a lot of inside jokes now that I don't get, and many happenings that I miss. Still, you treat me as your friend. I appreciate this.

You know what's my impression when I first saw you? A typical chinese dude. Skinny. Boring attires. Shadow of nerdy-ness. Must be super smart and intelligent. But what's my opinion after I know you? Lame. Pariah. Smart. Need to be belasah. Your shirts represent your style. Loud laughter. Sweet. Nice. Debater. Hao-Lianer. :D

As I said, it will be getting more difficult for us to meet as studies and life are getting busier and so. I'm living in Cheras and you're studying at Subang. I believe there will be a day when we meet, and there are drastic changes between us that both of us might find them hard to catch up. But bear in mind, you're my brother forever no matter what. All the best in your future study, relationship, friendship and life. :D

You are having your Cambridge interview tomorrow. It doesn't matter if you're the one being interviewed, or you're the one who interviews people. Good Luck. A sincere one. Because I want to meet you in Cambridge. HAHA HAO LIAN. Remember to show your pariah-ness to them. It shines too bright, it is too difficult to hide. Gangsta in the house. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEE MINN. BRO FOREVER!

Sincerely from Weng Ming. Another WM. :)

If you were in my shoes, you're already dead.

2011-09-14T00:18:00.004+08:00

It was not easy for me to get through these two weeks. Holidays were officially over, and I have to get back to work. And exam was the first thing on the bucket list. It was over, though I think I did it quite okay despite I didn't study much for this exam as I'm so occupied by other issues in my life. And there it goes, the list.

1. Taylor's Dance Club
TDC is indeed a very good platform for you to expose yourself to dancing, basic movements, a bunch of awesome friends and dancers, as well as a happy circle that never dies. I somehow found myself stuck inside TDC. When all that come are performance, classes that never progress and no guidance for me to improve. I'm happy to teach, but most of the dancers in TDC start to slack off due exam or perhaps attitude, seeing the classes I have got so far have no more than 10 students. I've long abandoned my studio, and now it's the time for me to get back there, to seek room for improvement, to learn something from my teacher again, at the same time, starts to view things from different perspective. I will be as dead as a meat if I continued to survive in this relatively self-contained environment. I'll come back, but not as soon as any possible fingered-counting time length.

2. Academic wise
I think I really relax a lot. It's not like me, who used to study and work so hard. Perhaps it's because I've done the syllabus. And I'm happy that I'm gonna start learning Mechanics next week. A progression that indicates I'm moving to A2 syllabus. Otherwise, I'll be bored to death. Exams are over. I deserved a break after some studies. And there it goes, I watched two movies in a row - The Midnight Meat Train and The Proposal. There are many more in my file. I should start to work on my Maths AS again. One more month from now and I'll be sitting the exam. Not funny. Can't afford to lose out my expectation.

3. Be grateful
My senior, Ismat quoted this on his Facebook wall. It sounded like this "It's funny how people never thank God for every smile, but they blame Him for every tear". I am so fucking agree to this. I always take all the obstacles in my life as the step-up stones that push me up to a higher level of maturity. I started to think back all that happened lately as they slowly unfolded in my mind. They began this year. I met a bunch of awesome PM12 friends. I love them so much. They will be the friends who will be there for you whenever you need them. I met a bunch of enthusiastic dancers from TDC. It must be fate for me to join a dance club, letting me to realize I have friends who share the same interest as me, and they let me know that there are dancers who ain't professional like how the dancers are out there, but their hearts are warm, and this is the reason I feel I'm belonged. I've gotten myself into Taylor's, where I'm exposed to great lecturers, great friends, great food, great facilities, great experience. I'm proud whenever I share my college life with the friends here in Cempaka. There I'm mentioning Cempaka. There might be hell lots of scholarships that are better than JPA, but I'm grateful for this, for I'm not one of those who didn't manage to get it. Although I sworn over it when I first got here, but I feel relieved now, as I'm exposed to another level of community. See? How many beautiful and wonderful things have happened in my life this year. And this year I've grown much more than I can expect, not physically definitely. You can never believe, me neither, how life can be so gorgeous.

4. Grab, and let go.
As I mentioned, there are so many things I have learned in this year. But there's another important value that I MUST learn, and remember it for the rest of my life. "Let it go, if it doesn't belong to you". This is the hardest part of year 2011. How can you, release something you love so much, without feeling heartbreaking pain? That's what I'm going through right now. I'm not going to skip any stages like how I used to do. I'm going to go through all the stages in order to heal myself. Tears, break down, realisation, then accepting, and finally a scar. I'm going to experience all the tears, emotions and understanding. And there, I'll embrace my life, for myself, for people who love me, and for the people whom I love.

5. Appreciate
For the rest of the 5 months, I'll appreciate them. And keeps reminding myself that I love you, and learn to let go of you everyday.

Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end.

Suffocated

2011-08-31T01:31:00.002+08:00

Do you ever have the feeling that you literally cannot breath?
Do you ever have the feeling that you heart is so pain it blinds you?
Do you ever have the feeling that you might faint anytime, and you do not want to wake up?
Do you ever have the feeling that you hate yourself, a lot?

I do. I feel like dying now. I want to eat non-stop. I need ice-cream right now. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to punch. I want to kill. I want to die.

It's unbearable when I am in great pain, but there is no ice-cream, no space for me to breath, no one for me to speak to, and the worst, I'm tearless. You have no idea, that agony that is stabbing my heart right now, is way out of bound.

I need to drive out now, to somewhere, wherever that has no body to look at me, to tell me I'm wrong loving you.

You don't know I'm waiting for you. FUCK.

Contented

2011-08-27T15:40:00.005+08:00

Feeling so good in the mid of my holidays. A sudden guilt hits me when I realised two weeks of my holidays have gone, just like that.

Routine
I planned my routine, but soon I gave up following it. I didn't feel like binding to a schedule too much when I'm ought to relax, and feeling free to do whatever I like. So I go to gym whenever I like. I sleep more than I'm supposed to whenever I'm feeling tired. I'll go to studio when I feel like dancing, and going not when I feel like lying on the couch and read. I'll sing when I don't want to talk, and watch drama when I want to cry. I'll read magazine whenever I'm bored. See, such relaxing and luxurious lifestyle. So far so, I'm now working on my nth novel for this holiday, the 8th of the series - Crocodile Tears. I've watched n number of movies. And I guess it's time for me to study for the following week!

Street Challenger 2011, 21st August.
Chill people, I didn't participate. I wanted at first, but I thought I will be in the mid of examination. I ended up in the mid of holidays. Haha. Never mind. Instead, I went to support all my seniors by becoming an audience. The day started with a breakfast at a restaurant behind Secret Recipe at Subang. Then we were all packed in cars and headed to The Actors Studio at Lot10. I couldn't forget how we swung, rocked, and blasted Machi's car throughout the journey. [Fast Forward] All the seniors were able to pass through the audition and entered Top 16. The epic and dopest battle that stayed in my mind vividly was the one featuring Machi and Raymo. Raymo certainly had some tricks playing that all of us cheering non-stop for him. His changing-clothes-by-turning-his-body-around-moves won whole round of applause from the audience. Fortunately, Machi's steady and consistent Hip Hop had smoked him badly too. And there he succeeded to Top 8. I couldn't put all those scenes in words, you will have to watch them live. Derek was arranged to battle with Alex. A very unfortunate case indeed. Both of them did a flip, as if they were performing instead of competing. They were both super good, somehow Derek had gotten into Top 8. Ken Ming, Chuah, Nicholas, Treston had gotten themselves to Top 16. Derek lost to Lego in the battle for Top 4. I must say Lego is a young 16 year-old kid, and he is DAMN GOOD. Machi moved on, and of course he became the Champion for the Hip Hop category. It was an inspiring event and competition. It somehow encourages me to train HARDER than ever, and I believe some time in the future, it'll be my turn to stand on that stage. :)

Girlstyle
Now I know it's not easy to choreograph a Girlstyle routine. G had been working on You Make Me Feel by Cobra ft. Sabi. I helped her during the trial classes. I helped her to teach some basics, and the choreography. It was my first ever Girlstyle class. Haha, I felt hilarious. I helped her to complete the second half of the choreography for that song. It was somehow a little too fast, luckily the girls were managed to follow. I'm proud of them. I'm now working on Don't Hold Your Breath by Nicole Scherzinger. Hopefully it comes out good.

Laser Tag @ Mid Valley
I must say I've never set my foot into Mid Valley for a thousand years. And to hang out and celebrate with my friends that their trials have finally over, it was an ideal place. I must apologize to them that I arrived KTM station late, causing everyone to wait for another half an hour. I encountered an unexpected traffic jam outside my housing area. Aiks. Upon reaching Mid Valley, we rushed to the shop and there we started playing. RM35 for 2 missions, 10mins per mission. We have to wear a vest, with twinkling and lighted sensors on our shoulders, chest
and back. We have to shoot these parts of our opponents to gain marks. And once we're shot, our gun will be deactivated for 7 seconds (or 3 seconds during the 2nd mission). It was definitely an exhausting game. We were all worn out after two games. Of course, my team won both missions. XD

Final Destination 5 @ Sunway Pyramid
Yee Lei, Calvinn, John, Rianne, Gosu, Sue and Zheng Yii went to Sunway Pyramid just for the movie FD5. It was not easy to persuade the girls to watch this movie. I guess I sounded very convincing, so we ended up sitting in the cinema, watching how the characters died one by one in the most gruesome way. There were gymnast who died folded half, or one with eyeball crashed by a passing car and even one who are shot through the eyes by a stray wrench. If you haven't watched it, I encourage you to buy a ticket and go ahead. It was not terrifying at all, I would say it was disgusting, with the flesh and blood splashing everywhere. Sue lost her phone in the cinema. Sue and I went back the way the came out. Apparently the door can only be PUSHED open from inside. I somehow found the courage and PULLED open the door from the top where it has the connected metal zig-zag bar (who knows what it's called). The workers inside told us that some buddies sitting behind us took it. We couldn't find any of them, nor we can recognize them. It seems like she has no phone to use for a while. Did I mention I imagined my fingers were snapped into pieces when I tried opening the door for Sue? Thanks to FD5, my imagination has definitely become richer.

Hip Hop + Locking
Like I said, I practiced even harder ever since I went to Street Challenger. I used to sleep, or sit, or online, or chat around in the studio. Instead, I went studio early and owned the studio (since not many people in the early morning). I started to practice all the moves Machi has taught us. It took me quite some time to master his moves. To improve, I must practice more and make those moves as natural as possible and blend them into my body. And here it went my 3rd Locking session with Machi. As fun as always, I love it. :D

Study
Yes, time for study. HOPEFULLY I CAN CONCENTRATE on my study next week. Oh Lord, please! Exam is right after holidays. Cruel enough. You will find me in Taylor's Lakeside Library. I believe I wouldn't dance there. :p

Love
Things seem straying away from its ought-to-be path. The one I love so much, moving away from me, worse than a cold war, and indifference is the worst treatment ever. Intimacy has never been better with the one I never thought we can get so close. Things are changing. FUCK!

p.s. It's 4.11a.m. now.

To the Strong One, Deena.

2011-08-20T00:56:00.003+08:00

I knew I was late. I didn't wish her at all, when it was her birthday. I did it on purpose. I wanted her to know, I am not any kinds that will leave a Happy Birthday message to her, and walk away, as if it was nothing meaningful and important to me. This girl, is Deena Sathasivam.

She is the first Indian lady whom I come so close. I'm not trying to be a racist, but this shows how I appreciate this friendship. She is so abnormal. Abnormal in the sense that, she is Deena, nothing that belongs to her can be found in the others. She is no typical Indian, because Rachel the future world leader knows more Tamil than her.

When I thought of her, the first thing that popped into my mind was the songs in her iPod touch. Lemme explain. The songs in her iPod, they depict such strong inspirational culture in her. She likes Eminem, Justin Bieber, Demi Lavoto etc. These people are those among all, managed to inspire a lot of people. I dunno about Bieber, but we can't deny that the little boy is famous. Isn't this already show you how she survives along difficulties and obstacles with these beautiful songs. Whenever you talk about these, her eyes will sparkle, and she will start to lecture you about how awesome these singers and their songs are.

Next thing will be Lady Gaga. I guess it was me who brought Gaga to her world in depth. I remember I introduced her whole lots of Lady Gaga's songs, telling her how inspirational those lyrics are, until she got addicted to them. I hope she still finds Gaga's songs beautiful, because they are simply straight-forward words from her heart, to tell the world how she views love, relationship, sexuality, religion, conscience, life, and many more. I believe and know many people out there despise her Music Videos, and find them gruesome, but as long as you get the real meaning, they are as fine as Taylor Swift craving for some guys in her MV.

She is very passionate about updating her blog. And sometimes I will find my name craved in among her words. I will laugh and smile when she described the happenings in PM12. And I will be reminded of how life ought to be by seeing all her inspirational pictures. I must say, she is a good writer. A good writer does not write touching or great stories, but writes her voices out.

She always seems bugged by depression. And she will stand up again, by the words in her blog I know. She falls and stands, and I believe those are what makes her as this Deena today. She will know how to heal herself. She has her bus mates, her songs, her sports, her friends, her blogs, her music videos.

Talking about sports, I have no idea how to leveling or rank her in terms of her fondness. She can write millions of words about sports. She can talk the whole day with her favourite footballer, Fernando Torres. Tennis, football, badminton, F1 race and many more are her favourites. And also I noticed, for all these fondness, this is one of the causes of her instant depression. And a huge distraction to her studies.

She is a great friend, good teacher (of all values found in her) and of course an incredible sports reporter. No joking. I miss her. And of course, I miss ALL PM12-ians. All my buddies, and brothars and sistars. I hope that she has had a wonderful celebration with whoever, wherever and whenever. Here, I wish her Happy 18th Birthday Deena. Proud of yourself.

p.s. Good luck in trial.
From your friend,
by heart ~ Weng Ming.

Si prega di lasciarmi andare.

2011-08-14T23:18:00.003+08:00

Hey, I am having my one-month-holiday now. It was great, back to my sweet home. It ain't really a good timing, as all my friends are having their exams and trials now. I wish I could help them out, in any bit of ways.

There isn't much for what I have done so far. I didn't really count this weekend as my holiday. This Sat and Sun are just another two days for me to relax, like usual. And what I'm anticipating, it starts officially tomorrow. As I said, I haven't been doing much. I've been reading novels and watching long-outdated movies. Nicholas Sparks' The Notebook, Anthony Horowitz's Ark Angle and now I'm reading Rick Riordan's Percy Jackson and The Olympians The Lightning Thief. As for movies, I'm done watching Night At The Museum 2, Eat Pray Love♥ and Were The World Mine. I especially love "Eat Pray Love". It taught me so many things that I thought I had known, yet I didn't.

Days after the Production II hadn't been easy for me. It was difficult to not keep swaying on all those sweet memories. Fortunate enough I managed to score over 80 in my Math exam, and successfully registered for my Math AS Final exam, which falls on 31th Oct (P63) and 17th Nov (P13). I am getting better, I started to focus back on my life, and that's what I'm going to do during this winter holiday. Forgotten to mention, my A-Levels holidays do not follow any Malaysia usual public or school holidays. It has only summer and winter break. It follows UK style. O.o

Last Friday was the result releasing day for AS, A-Level and IGCSE students. AS students (my seniors) here, they were incredibly super genius. So many As and 100%. It made me so determined that I no longer aim A for my Math this year, but a 100% top of the world. As for A-Level result, one student who was my grand-senior, she has gotten 4A*. My jaw dropped the moment I heard Dr.Barry announced it. All of them made me feel hot inside, that was the moment I swore I will work harder than ever. One of my classmate, he is the youngest since he previously studied in international school, his IGCSE has gotten him 3As. Congratulation to all. =) Same to all my Taylor's seniors, proud of you all. :D I better start studying, as all my results will be sent over to JPA.

I'd been planning for my holiday schedule. I do not want to screw up my holiday this time like how I used to waste my holiday like it will never end. This one month is precious to me. I have to find something in me, the value that I've long lost. I have to fix something, the thought that has gone the wrong way. I have to earn something, those sights that will praise me. To reveal what I'm going to do tomorrow ~ hitting the gym-study-dancing-reading-meditation-Facebook-movie. There are more. I'm sure this holiday is going to be a different one. Like, entirely different. There are so many things I'm gonna include, like swimming, yoga, meditation, cooking, shopping, competition, gym-ing, update my iPod, movies, learning more in acting, meeting up with all my old friends, et cetera. I'm excited, for my journey of self discovery.

Realisation hits me hard that I've been missing you everyday for two weeks. Adding up those moments that I'd spared for you, they will make up to at least three days. I don't see a point of continuing it. I shall stop here. I still love you of course, I've always been. But loving someone aimlessly, and loving someone in heart make differences. You will be kept in my heart, I will use the time for my journey of self discovery. :D

Do or do not, there is no try :)
p.s. Time for all of us to grow up, admit it. :p

When we dance, we are bonded.

2011-08-03T15:12:00.009+08:00

Hi, finally I have the time to update this blog. Had been busying on TDC Production II, and right after that I was busy for my exam. I did very badly for my exam, 84 was all I got for my Maths (P1 & P6). I have already registered for the actual AS exam. Will focus only on Maths for rest of the year.

RE:Production II : Dancing Through Time.

When it was announced, all of us got so excited. We were pondering what styles we would want to join, at the same time imagining how awesome it was for us to join something big and prestigious. Unfortunately, after some time, I felt something died a little inside. I should say, the fire was put in the rain. We were all concentrated in our studies, we started to drag our practices, we were playing games in ECA instead of dancing. When the last week came, none of us were actually readied. After two days of rehearsals, things seemed had gotten better. Eventually we saw the light out of the sole darkness.

Flashing back to those days when we were preparing for RE:Pro, I had to rush to Subang from Cheras, and from Subang back to Cheras. I was literally stressed. My class ended at 3.30pm everyday. I dashed back to my hostel, changed my clothes, grabbed whatever food I could find in my room, and rushed to ECA. I have to sincerely thanks my daddy, for giving me so many rides, while he was actually in the mid of his working hours. I usually reached my hostel at 10pm. It counted as late for me. I had to complete my assignments/homework/laundry/ revision etc. Not mentioning the irregular meal time. I slept at 1am or 2 everyday.

The day came to me when I was finally prepared to drive to Cheras. I didn't trouble my father anymore. As usual, I rushed to Subang after my class. That was the last week we had before RE:Pro. I had to attend every practice and rehearsal. I drove at 125km/h. It might seem insignificant compared to the speed you drive, but I am a P plate driver whom no way I got my license three months longer. I had no choice. I dedicated myself to dancing, so as I will commit myself solely to this production. At the same time, I was having serious sore throat+coughing+headache everyday. I tried all the medicine I had, I finished them, but they didn't work things out for me. But I didn't give a damn shit, like the way I used to treat my health, I didn't care. I was lucky, I'm still sound and save.

That two nights, were the most awesome nights I have ever had this year. Though I performed in MANY productions out there, none of those is similar to this. We arranged/organized/choreographed/bleed/cried/laughed all by ourselves. The night before 29th I cried, touched by the words said by other dancers, at the same time remembering how much I have devoted to dancing - my health, love, family and my spine. I can't describe how wonderful and gorgeous were that two nights, because it simply carved onto my heart, forever. Also, I have to say thank you to all my friends and fans out there, who supported and shouted for me. I miss you all, PM12.

Everyone said this production let us bond with one another and make more friends. I would say it reignited our loves towards each other. To be honest, right after I moved away from Taylor's, the feeling of being left out was so strong. I couldn't get most of the inside jokes, I couldn't understand what was the purpose I risked my life and health. I started to doubt and decided I wouldn't want to attend TDC as much as I do now after Re:Pro. It changed my decision, I am so glad. It was so easy to make me to fall in love with TDC again, and with all the people in there. It was not easy to retreat from them, and I will never do. I must be a fool to think that.

Also, I found my love again. That's the reason why I said this production was nothing similar to any others, yet it was the most fantastic one. I miss you, everyday and every moment.

But you can't hold on to water
It fills you up but never stays
It's only good to wash away today
And you're loving me like water
You're slippin' through my fingers' touch
A natural disaster, love
Bringing on the flood, the flood
Love me like a flood, a flood, bring it on.

All those crazy things we did, didn't think about it just went with it.

2011-07-21T20:27:00.005+08:00

Hi people, I'm back to this blog. I'm sorry I didn't update this blog much because I'm busy here. My Math trial is on the first week of August, like I mentioned before I'm taking AS Math this year. Have been busy doing past year papers. I literally hate Statistics. =/ At the same time, I've to deal with the practices I have for the coming TDC Production II. To and fro from Cheras to Subang is definitely a dreadful journey. And, I've several performances on hand at Cempaka, that I've yet to do anything though the planning was settled.

RAG Day
If you read my previous post, you will know what RAG day is. It was a school day for all students to attend any workshops that the school had organized. Lemme report you on what I'd done on that day. I joined a Dance Workshop. DUH, obviously, what else could I join when I saw this golden opportunity. Unfortunately, I became one of the instructors of this workshop when they found out that I can dance. I guess it was not that bad, because there were a small kid who taught me how to shuffle. Not the simple kind of shuffle, but various types of shuffle. I was amazed and dumbfounded, because he was so good. At the end of the day, all students will go to the North Hall to present what we'd learned throughout the day. And I didn't know what I can dance to, so I chose to dance Love The Way You Lie. This was the day when I first stepped on Cempaka stage, and I enjoyed the applause.

Cooking
I never know I can cook so well. Haha, sorry for this self flattering part. I usually do not cook. Why should I cook when I have an awesome beautiful mum who cooks the best food in the world for me? However, I'm no longer pampered. I've to be independent. So, I decided to cook, for all of my housemates. I cooked curry chicken, eggs with tuna, and vegetable. I couldn't believe I could handle a meal. And you know what, I COOKED TODAY. There were four dishes. I cooked three of them. They were eggs with tomatoes, vegetables and baked bean. Another one was cooked by my senior, Ismat - beef with potato. They were delicious, and they are now in our stomach. I'm not cooking next week unfortunately, will be extremely busy next week for attending rehearsals.

Jessie's Birthday
I went back to Taylor's that day to attend my dance practice. However I couldn't catch up with Jessie, JLow, Wee Minn, Tiger, Poon etc. They went to Pyramid and was watching Transformer 3. Well, it was such a lengthy movie, that they reached Taylor's after 6, the time that I must leave and back to Cempaka to attend a musical production here. =( Anyhow, I was happy because Jessie enjoyed her big day, though I can't join them.

Cempaka Seussical Musical Production
To elaborate for what I mentioned just now about the musical production. The founder of Cempaka School, Datin Frieda was too generous and kind to give us free entry to watch their annual production. It was freaking awesome. I was 100% touched and flabbergasted when I saw the main character was a small kid, probably a primary young girl. Despite her age, she can sing and act so well. There were so MANY talented and aspiring young performers on the stage that night. I was immediately stimulated that I wish I can stand on that stage one day and perform like what these kids had done. Hmm, if I was given a chance to join them next year, will you all come to support? But I'll see if I'm free lah, am having AS exam next year!

Missing
I felt something is missing from my life when I read all those funny happenings in the Basketful blog. I wish I was there to laugh with you all. But at least I know all of you live healthily and happily. The only thing I feel fortunate was I do not have to rush A2, especially after seeing what you all are going through now. I know it is very hard for you all. Good luck and all the best mates. I miss you all. :)

Taylor's Dance Club : Production vol.II : Dancing Through Time.
Time flies fast, and very soon TDC will present you the year prestigious event Production II. I was not really prepared. It was because I skipped too many practice sessions. What can I do, when I am trapped in Cheras here, and have to learn all the steps at once when I have the chance to go back. To make things worse, the steps are not easy at all, they are difficult. I felt almost impossible to stuff everything in my tiny brain every weekend. However, I'll do my best. Of all the productions and performances that I'd done, I've never been on stage unprepared, I wouldn't show you craps, in fact it will be an awesome production, a memorable night. I'm so happy when I know Tiger, Poon they all are coming to watch!!! I got supporters haha. I can't wait to see them again!

Port Dickson trip
This was the plan for this weekend at first. However, something dreadful happened that causes this plan to be cancelled. This trip was planned by our awesome Math teacher, Mr.Chih. He wanted to do this because he wanted to form and connect more bonds among seniors and juniors. He has rented a bungalow there, and we are gonna have lots of fun activities there. The drivers are Mr.Chih, Irsyad (a guy senior) and Sofina (a girl junior). It was an unauthorized trip, because the Mr.Chih and the seniors didn't apply through the school and acknowledge Dr.Barry. On Wednesday (yesterday), Dr.Barry called for an urgent meeting early in the meeting, before we even started our class. He looked perfectly normal, but who knows his heart was flaming. He sounded so angry, when he said he received a sms from one of the juniors' parent, saying that they doubted the safety when this trip put a P plate driver to drive for such long journey. It was the first time ALL of us, including teachers saw he was that exasperated. I remember his words "this is a naive, irresponsible and stupid......". And of course Mr.Chih being the only teacher involving in this trip couldn't escape from holding the responsiblity. After Dr.Barry "scolded" (it sounded more like a calm lecture, perhaps this is how the white people show their disappointment) us, he said "Chih, can I see you in my room?" I felt sorry for him. And yeah, the plan was eventually cancelled.

Laboratories
Finally I'm back to the labs after two weeks. I must have not been doing lab work for too long, the equipments seem like strangers to me. And I felt so different when I was using the same type of equipments as in Taylor's, but they were totally different in their outlooks, structure etc. The feeling wasn't the same no more. I had my Biology practical last week. We were calibrating the microscope and did some biological drawing. I was so confused when Ms. Stephanie said the cuticle should be drawn when Mr.Rajah said never ever draw cuticle. I guess I'll find out one day, from somewhere, the truth. Hopefully. Today, I had my first Chemistry and Physics practical. I felt excited when the lab coat that I was wearing was Taylor's lab coat. Ms. Ellen was away while she gave birth to her child. Mrs. Wong was the part time Chemistry teacher who was currently pursuing PhD in education management. I immediately fall in love with her teaching style and interactions with students. She let me do my experiments when she know I've studied at Taylor's. Somehow my skills must have rusted a lot, I couldn't really get a consistent reading when I was doing the titration. I've never been so angry while I was doing experiments, and this was the first time and it happened in this Physics practical. Mr. Lee, a definite boring man, didn't want to tell us how many significant figures we should record in our table. I was stuck in the middle, when I know it will affect all my work, and I couldn't even plot the graph. Although I know it should be 3sf, but who knows if he has other rules. When he finally let us know and explained (yes, it was 3sf), I was already infuriated, then I filled up my empty table immediately. I rushed to plot my graph. When everyone almost done with their graphs, then only he wanted to tell us that the distance between the first point and the last point must be more than half a page. He wanted us to replot. When we were done with all these corrections, then he told us the range of a quantity given must be as big as possible, then we have to repeat one or two set of data. I literally hate him at that moment. Then I appreciate how good Subra treated us during practical. I shall tolerate. I'm having Biology practical tomorrow, and I can't wait for next Chemistry practical.
For PM12, I wish you all good luck in all practicals, because I know you all do not really have much time for practical and trial/actual exam is coming soon. Gambateh!

IELTS
It is such a fun fun fun subject! My IELTS teacher is Ms.Ying Ying. She is currently pursuing her master/PhD - I couldn't remember which. We already had a few lessons with her. I can say IELTS is a subject that set us free from all those hectic facts-fulling subjects. It consists of four parts - Speaking, Reading, Writing and Listening. We've been doing reading and speaking. I find it VERY interesting, I mean the way she teach. We do not have much stress, besides those writing assignments. The good thing that JPA has included this subject into the sponsorship is, we do not have to take the exam so fast like how you usually do after attended a few courses if you're taking at the centre outside. We will take our exam after one year. By then hopefully we are all trained well!

To ALL PM12 mates,
As usual, do comment/reply. :)
p.s I'm sorry for this long update that includes almost two weeks of my life here. Will get back to you all soon! Meanwhile, I'm busy with all the past years and Production! Statistics, here I come :/

I'm alive, because I stand up, after the fall.

2011-07-07T21:38:00.007+08:00

Here I am, updating the blog as I promised. Well, life here is getting interesting, and I'm still trying my best to adapt the big-gapped culture jump here.

My First Day, 4th of July, America's Independence Day.
It seemed ridiculous, when everyone remember this day as the Independence Day, or even Katy Perry sings "In the Fourth of July", I was the only one who had no interest at all to whatever disaster that had happened in this world. As what I had posted on my Facebook wall on the day before, "I admit, I'm nervous and afraid of tomorrow". It comprised of too many surprises and uncertainties for me. Waking up early, looking at my luggage, and then my room, and my house, I did not want to leave. Well,who was I to object and disobey. First day was kinda boring in fact. Beside being amazed by how different the system works here, otherwise I was struggling to stay confident, smart and independent. I had to say I was very fond of Dr. Barry's accent. He is the Head of A-Levels here, and he is a Physics PhD from Cambridge if I'm not mistaken. And he will be teaching us MECHANICS. I was having some problem catching what he said on the first day, but now I do better. Arriving to my hostel, I was relieved because it seemed not too bad, but not as good as what I had expected. Well, what to expect when I already have such fortune to get a scholarship =) I am sharing my room with Syazwan, and sharing the unit with Irsyad, Ismat, Kaif and Mr. Z (Zac? Zack? He is a Cempaka teacher). I'm very happy that the seniors here are very friendly and helpful. The first day was nothing much interesting. BUT, we had a chance to attend the morning formal assembly. I was IMMEDIATELY AMAZED AND FLABBERGASTED when I stepped into the North Hall. The stage was so awesome that I had to use so much strength to resist my urge to go up there to dance. I couldn't believe with my sight, and I started to dream, if I could join their production next year. Photos will be up next time (hopefully). Oh I forgot to mention, we were all given a sport house each. I was given Green House, so called Seladang. There are other houses like Beruang - Blue, Harimau - Red and Helang - Yellow. I was a Yellow-ian, and now I gotta join Green-ian =(

My Second Day. 5th of July
2nd day was pretty much all about introduction to all the subjects that we'll be taking. It was sorta boring actually. I mean they were talking about the exams, the structure etc. I did not like the NO-MONEY-BUT-USE-SMART-CARD system here. Simply the food here is expensive and barely edible, yet the card is so annoying that topping it up almost becomes a daily routine. I didn't mention the photo on the card is so ugly, did I? One thing that caught my attention was the IELTS introduction. It was interesting, perhaps it was something that I've never done before. We got our free textbooks, which finally I can tell Wee Minn I have coloured Biology textbook too ;p We also got our locker, and the padlock is another annoyant. Nonetheless, it is a good thing, I do not have to carry all the books back to the hostel. That was all for the day. Also, it was the day when seniors came back from their expedition at Mount Stong! Haha, it will be juniors' turn next year! They were very friendly, and we played some games =)

My Third Day : 6th of July
3rd day. It seemed the orientation was getting nowhere but the sea of boredom. We had a tutor-ward meeting early in the morning. It was something like the students are assigned to one mentor or tutor and will guide and help the students throughout the years. It was something VERY similar to what I had in Taylor's, the barely-taking-care-of-mentees punya mentor Mr. Subra. Guys' tutor is Mr.Chih Khiam Peng, aged 26. We were having a fun time getting his name and age. =D We were too awesome to get them in 3 days, instead of half a year that seniors used to spend. Then we had co-curricular briefing. All the sports here are awesome, and I chose swimming. We can choose a sport per term, and of course it is free since it's paid by JPA. I guess they are more awaiting me for next, or next, or next term, like Archery, Wall Climbing and Water Polo. Then we had our uniform measurement session. I did not buy a lab coat, because Taylor's lab coat is what I'm going to wear X) Then a student council meeting. I was shocked when the A-levels department here seems contented with our own world. We organize our own activities like Bowling, field trips, Paint Ball, Festival Celebrations, Birthday Surprise Parties, so many more. I was excited.

My Fourth Day : 7th of July.
4th Day. Classes started today. I've talked to Dr.Barry about taking Maths P1 and P6 earlier, meaning taking them this Oct/Nov AS. He agreed, and of course only if I got 80 and above for the test Mr.Chih is going to set. So shouldn't I be studying and working hard now? Nevermind hehe. Oh, yes you are right, Mr. Chih is my Math teacher, a one definitely better than Mr.Lau. But I miss him so much! His cute face, accent and style. Unfortunately Mr.Chih gave TONNES of difficult homework. I'm not used to it, because Mr.Lau never gave us any homework. Also I've talked to Ms.Ellen, my Chemistry teacher, about taking it earlier. I'm still considering, seeing it involves Practical, the paper I'm not that confident. I'll decide after I've sat for the paper she set lah. Our physics teacher, Mr.Lee is definitely a patient man. He explained everything so detailed and thorough, that I almost felt asleep. I'm sorry, but perhaps he could eliminate the monotony and those repetition. I'm so glad, because he is no where similar to Mr.Subra. ;p Ms.Stephanie, Biology teacher, I like the way she teach =) I mean it is thorough and straight-to-the-point, but at the same time, I miss Mr.Rajah. ;( It was a long day. I had to keep reminding myself I can no longer sleep in the class because we have only 10 students. Aiks, I miss those time when I can sleep, play games or chat.

Tomorrow is the RAG day. It is a day when all kind of workshops are open for everyone to participate. There are cooking, guitar, etc etc I guess. I do not know. And I'm looking forward to it. I'm contented here, though it'll be awesome if I could meet all my friends once in a while. And I miss dancing. I'm going back to TAYLOR'S STUDIO TOMORROW. I'll literally die if I continue sitting in my hostel and online or study. It is a pity when I know my class ends at 3.30pm EVERYDAY. It'll be hard for me to meet my friends there as they probably already go home even I rush there. :( And I've been speaking BM a lot lately. Do not be surprise if I split a BM or two. What to do, my BM might be better than my English or Chinese one day soon. Hopefully I do not start writing BM here. I VERY miss Subang's food. Aunty Jessie was SO EVIL. She was teasing me, saying my life here sucks without PM12 and the food there. CHEH, macam ini lah aunty, I tak mau peduli you nanti. Nothing much. I still think of PM12 kadang kala when I'm free, when I'm bathing, when I'm sleeping. I love you guys. And thank you Wei Wei and Wee Minn for the blog. Sometimes I'll wonder and ponder, will there be a day when I meet with all these lovely friends, realising I couldn't catch up with their changes and inside jokes. I will hate that day, but I guess it's something so inevitably, I would kill myself for stopping it form occurring. It seems life is still getting good over there, and I wish it'll remain as good or even better. All the best my mates.

Alright off to do my Maths homework. And gotta work hard for Maths and Chemistry. Wish me luck!

p.s. do comment, or reply, to let me know I'm still being concerned.

Friends, are meant to be loved and appreciated forever.

2011-07-02T00:50:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was my official last day at Taylor's College Subang Jaya. It happened so fast that in the blink of an eye, 6 months has passed, and now comes in the new page of my life, yet retaining the best moments and memories.

It was a Friday, yes a typical Rebecca's Black Friday, with a bunch of forever heart-warming friends, in a place I've grown up to know that I'm loved (Taylor's) and in a class that I've learned what friendship is (PM12). Classes progressed as usual, long-winding with laughter, and consistent reminders that hit me hard, waking me up, telling me I'm about to leave. [FAST-FORWARD] Mr. Subra, as usual walked out of the Physics Lab, going nowhere, Amelia and I proceeded to the office. She was to drop the awesome subject which most probably I will be continue taking it - TKS. And well, I handed in the drop-out-letter that was one-week-overdue. I couldn't phrase what was my feeling at that moment. The staff was so welcoming, with a huge smile from ear to ear, it became a complete paradox to my distraught.

We went to Sunway Pyramid after classes for a lunch. I refrained from joining them at first because I did not want to drive, and I had had a photoshoot session to attend. At the end, I guess it was the hormone that had driven me up to the wall, I drove and went with them, after deciding I will park my car in front of Jessie's rent house when I came back from Pyramid, that of course the parking was a disaster. We had our lunch at Pasta Zanmai. And we were sort of having camwhoring session there. I'm waiting the photos to be uploaded =) After our lunch, Wei Wei requested me to close my eyes with my hands. Not exactly a request, it would rather be a demand =p Thousands or millions of possibilities popped into my mind, but I swear none of them was about giving me a farewell gift. I was clinging to ideas like giving me a cockroach, or splitting something which has squeaking-releasing-effect onto my face. I squeezed my eyes tight, waiting for whatever that I had made myself ready or even not. Then I opened my eyes when Wen Lee kissed my face with her fingers (do not get me wrong, it was a poke lah), I looked at her, then swung my sight over the table to see whatever Tiger's prepared for me. In that flash of glimpse, I saw a tiny box. My eyes was about to lose contact with it, then my eyes wide opened, and I was literally so shocked, I turned speechless. IT WAS AN iPOD SHUFFLE. It was like, my first iPod in my life! And Wei Wei definitely remembered what I told her.

I couldn't believe this happened. A lunch for this afternoon, a 6-month being together and meeting all these AWESOME friends were more than what I asked for. This was definitely a surprise that caught me so unguarded. Refreshing all the memories I had with this bunch of heartening friends, I realised they become a part of my life, and will never be deleted off. Playing Jungle Speed in classes, singing/swearing/laughing/pumpkin vs monster/eating/joking/sleeping/complaining lecturers in the class, the dissection of heart+ lungs+ liver + trachea, all the outings, the present, the suppose-to-be-surprising-but-failed birthday party, the photos, the serious moments, the Contemp moments, naming own self with Gaga, Swift etc. Everything is just so beautiful.

Having to know this bunch of friends, doesn't make me regret at all, coming to Taylor's, or even leaving Taylor's, as I know there'll be friends in SS15 Subang Jaya whom always remember me. =) I know phrases that we always use I could no longer make good use of them at Cempaka. But still they will be forever in my mind and heart. Do update me if there's any new trend or style. Hao Lian lahh. ;p

Thinking of the sadness and the anticipation that overwhelmed me month ago, I feel better now. I couldn't change the fact that I'm accepting the scholarship, and I couldn't change the reason behind it. Lots had happened in this month, which made me think this new journey is a blessing in disguise. It made me studied hard for my Semester One and it made me realised how much love I got from my friends and lecturers. I know one year later, many of you will be going off to somewhere, either local or overseas, I will pray and wish you all sincerely that you all excel in any exams or tests!

I'm glad that the blog that was mentioned ages ago has finally hit upon my eyes. Please update it as often as possible. I wouldn't want to miss anything about Taylor's, about PM12, and about you all! I promised, I will update this blog as often as I could, so as to let you know I'M ALIVE! =D Please do miss me, as I'll miss all of you like mad! If you do have problems regarding AS (A2 you all will be way ahead of me!), call me, text me, skype me, facebook me, I'll be everywhere hehe. Malaysia or United Kingdom, I'm so glad that I've met all of you.

To Wei Wei & Rachel & Deena, please study hard! A levels wouldn't be easy without your effort even I volunteer my helps.
To Wee Minn & Jason, you two are my forever brothers! Thank you for all the memories! And I know you two will do well in exam, seeing both of you are so smart!
To Tiger & Poon & Jovan, the so called China gang, I'm glad you all were so nice to me. I did not mix well with you at the beginning of the year, and now everything is so wonderful I wanna say you guys are forever in my heart.
To Wen Lee & Amelia & Jessie, I know you girls will be doing good in life, kicking out the emotional depression hehe. Take good care of Xiao Bai. Good luck!
To Shaun & James & Bloo & Everyone, thank you for being my classmates, and more importantly being my friends. I love you guys. Remember to cherish your awesome lecturers.

Our Basketful of Memories, will never fade, and keeps intact forever. ;) I love you all.

p.s. Thank you Wei Wei, Wee Minn, Jason, Rachel, Tiger, Poon, Jovan, Bloo, Shaun, Wen Lee, Jessie, Amelia for the iPod!!! I really like it =D

I'm loved, and born to love.

2011-06-26T11:03:00.005+08:00

I'm on holidays, and I sleep late every night, and wake up late every day, so I practically do not like the way I behave right now. Never mind =p.

I went back to my high school yesterday. I felt great being able to see all my old friends again, and of course my juniors. They were having annual Marching Competition. Dark-skinned, sweat pouring over their faces, all looking exhausted, I wonder how I survived in these conditions in my past five years. I understand the cruelty of lacking of time that made everything in its not-so-good condition. Well, I'm looking forward to next year, wishing all the best to them, making the failure as their life-time teacher, march towards their glory. =)

I'm back to all my old novels again. Alex Rider series. I'm bored at home, and my internet connection is being a dick to me. Since my performance had over, this is the only thing I can do to kill time, beside dancing and hitting the gym. A book per day, not so bad huh! Currently working on the fourth book - Eagle Strike! X) Oh talking about the performance, it was so fun and tiring, though I did a few mistakes that I hardly could forgive myself.

So CAL holiday has come to an end, next Tuesday will be the commencement of new semester. I'M GOING BACK, to take all my exam papers, also to hand in the JPA letter, so I can drop out of Taylor's. Also, after next week, my class at Cempaka will start! And of course, my new life will start too =) I'm worried about my transport and schedule of going to and fro from Cempaka to Taylor's. For exactly one month, I will need to buck up my mind, lesser rest and sleep, and dance hard for the coming TDC Production. WALAO...XO

I've gotten over you, you do not worth the waiting. I do not like the way you crossed the line, and you retrieved your steps, hanging me in the mid air. You have to understand that you do not have the power to control, mindfuck, or even fool me around. Even so, I have got someone who physically and mentally better than you.

Had I mentioned before that the worst thing being in the crowd is feeling lonely. Sometimes I will find myself drifting away from the others and sink deep underneath my own world and thoughts, as if I'm sleepwalking. Hey, it isn't a good thing! It happened when I was having outing with TDC people. Sorry guys if I was acting too restless.

Too many things to express, only I found myself speechless.

Till My Last Breath

2011-06-15T23:59:00.005+08:00

I wanted to update this blog right after my exam but I lost my mood at that moment, but tonight is a good good night, I guess I could make a long one.

1. My new journey.
Well, I've just announced to all TDC members that I'm leaving Taylor's College. I couldn't believe I would post such a long passage on the wall. Alright, so I've finished my job at Taylor's College, I mean I've done with my exam. Oh talking about exam, did I mention to anyone I love them so much that I screwed them up? Never mind, I'll just wait patiently, and see whether my effort is gonna be paid off for these six months. Yes, you're right, I'm gonna to start my new life at Cempaka International School. I've accepted it, kinda look forward to it too, though I know my life will NEVER be the same, and I'll miss all my friends and lecturers here. I gotta be independent, as I'm living on my own very soon. Wish me all the best!

2. Outings.
I've been so busy with all the outings lately. First, I had a Friday-after-exam outing with Wee Minn, Jason, Wen Lee, Wei Wei and Rachel. We went to Sunway Pyramid for movie and lunch =) Next, I had a bloody AWESOME Saturday because I attended my super idol, JOLIN TSAI'S MYSELF CONCERT. I have to say, that concert will hold my Jolin's fever for more than a month. I went with Fennie, also to support my friend Machi who performed at the concert as well. I had another outing with my mum, sister and her boyfriend to Mid Valley. It was definitely a shopping day for me. Eh, I'm forced to buy all the formal suits that I have to wear at Cempaka, not that I wanted to spend all my money. Sister bought my birthday present already. It was a Polo belt and wallet =) The next day, when I woke up, I was 100% flabbergasted by the news that CPU building and INTI building felt the tremor due the 6.9 earthquake that happened at Indonesia. And unfortunately, the ECA was evacuated and my plan of visiting there was not on. Instead, I went to Cabana and meet up with Machi and Nicole. Then we headed off to Pyramid, jalan jalan and makan makan, then we back to Subang. I didn't go home, because my family was all at Genting, which I refused to go. I stayed in The Web to watch a soap drama on YouTube, and then called Othniel for dinner. =)

3. Medical Check-up.
I had my medical examination on Tuesday. I was awaken by my parent to Columbia Asia. Unfortunately they couldn't do it for me, because they do not have the stock for the Montoux test. I learned a new thing, Montoux test is a test for tuberculosis. Tuberculin will be injected under your skin, and reading will be taken after 72 hours. Yes, you're right, which mean I have to go back to Sunway Medical Centre that I went on this Friday. I wonder I can still donate my blood on 1st July after they injected such drug into my skin. I did my blood test, urine test and X-ray scan on my lung. Urgh. Bleh.

4. Performance.
I'm sooooo busy with my coming performance. I've been practicing 12 songs for 2 days. And I still got more than 20 songs to go O.O Gambateh! I gonna practice a lot, seriously a lot, I want it to be perfect, like the tour production I had 4 years ago! Ohh, I wouldn't be performing for CPU Prom. Too bad lah, I gonna use the time to practice my performance then. GO GO GO!

5. Movies.
I got so many outdated movies from Juinn but I haven't got any time to watch yet. You know, dancing, dancing and dancing. In fact, I'm taking break and will go back to my practice very soon. Ahh, Pirates of Caribbean and X-Men First Class are awesome. I have to admit that Pirates is better than X-Men. And I'm longing for Harry Potter Deathly Hollow Part 2. The trailer, was just so dumbfounding. I'll take my time, I gonna watch all of them, right after my performance!
I'm currently watching a YouTube soap drama. And my internet is just being a dick to me. I hate chiuuuu Maxis Broadband. =(

6. Novel.
I need some books. Anyone has some suggestions? I'm currently having my hand holding on Nicholas Sparks' The Last Song. No time to read. Blek.

7. Thank you.
Thank you to those who wished me a bright future. Thank you Rachel for being so generous, dedicated a blog post for me. Thank you everyone.

Do miss me. ;D I'll dance, till my last breath *gasping for air*.

I do not like the way You treat me.

2011-06-03T20:55:00.004+08:00

I guess luck has not been on my side recently. Apparently I'm not blessed. Bad things keep happening to me. I'm so depressed and occupied by all these fucking occasions. I'm supposed to be studying RIGHT NOW. Taylor's AS Semester One exam is just two days later. And I'm suppose to present a good one before I leave.

So all my SAM friends are on holidays. Some of them or rather most of them have balik kampung. They wouldn't be able to see me anymore, or maybe once or twice more, if I happened to pop into the studio and ECA. OMAIGEE, I miss them so much.

I lost my thumbdrive this Wednesday. In case you didn't know, it's super duper important to me, because it contains ALL my subjects notes, and also past year's marking scheme. Can you imagine me downloading them all over again? And I should keep them save with me, as I'm leaving Taylor's. They are my future reference and memories with all the wonderful lecturers I have. And I'd been to The Web for more than a zillion times to look for the ICT Staff to get it back. You know what, there's no ICT staff during Thurs, at least I didn't see one even after I visited it for more than 5 times. And luckily I got it back today, after I made my nth times visit.

I've not been dancing for MANY DAYS ALREADY. No wonder I feel so restless EVERYDAY. I literally can just doze off when I'm supposed to study. My planned schedule is badly fall-back. I guess I should continue my studies after this depressing post.

And well, the whole next week will be my last week in Taylor's, which I'll spend it on my AS exam. If I happened to smuggle into classes for another week after holidays, I guess that will be my another last week. I don't know. =( I wish I have more time. The feeling is like, when Wee Minn reminded me, today is my last day playing Jungle Speed.

And LAST BUT NOT LEAST (how desperate I wish this is gonna be the LAST bad news ever at the moment), I'm not gonna visit you all as often as I always said anymore. Because my application to JPA of not staying at the accommodation provided has apparently failed. I'm FORCED to stay at the hostel there, just because they paid the fee, and because they do not want any students from skipping any night activities. WTF. So, I can't visit Taylor's during weekdays, I guess TAYLOR'S SUBANG OR LAKESIDE LIBRARY IS GONNA BE MY NEST EVERY SATURDAY SOON. And I can't visit studio that often too. It's supposed to be my second home, and I do not like how it falls apart from my life. To my ALMIGHTY GOD, please, let me make it for Re:Pro. =(
Well, I'll see how things go. As I always said, LIFE SUCKS, BUT IT MOVES ON.
But I guess that's just the way the story goes.

Dreams

2011-05-22T23:05:00.003+08:00

To conclude my day :

I've been searching for UK Universities for my course -- Genetics. And I found a few universities that are the best in this course in UK.

I shall now proudly announce my dream Uni :
1. University of Cambridge
2. University of Leicester
3. University of Newcastle
4. University of Nottingham

Alright, I'm going back to study, working hard towards my dreams!

University of Cambridge

University of Leicester

University of Newcastle

University of Nottingham

Start Missing Everything In My Life

2011-05-17T21:42:00.003+08:00

I shall start missing and appreciate everything I have, before I leave them.

I will NEVER EVER forget my awesome classmates, who made my life for this 6 months so beautifully painted like it has never been before. Ohh Pre-Mad 12. Yes, they are figuratively mad :3 Wee Minn and Jason, I will remember our jokes and funny moments. Deena, remember the inspirational GAGA whenever you are depressing. Wei Wei, don't laugh so loud la, you seriously need to be more soft, as a girl =p Rachel, I wish good luck in your path becoming a plastic surgeon. Tiger and Poon who always treated me so good. Jovan, I like your jokes, the favourite Rajah's student. Jessie, I guess you need to bring someone along when you change your spec, so you don't look like an aunty. Wen Lee and Amelia, take care! Amelia, take care of Xiao Bai. Shaun, do not tire yourself too much with so many vegie. James, I forgive you, for all the non-sense jokes. Brandon Loo, Brandon Lim, keep up with the Bio rep title. Ashwin, Luqman, Hazim, Ker Shiong, Weng Cheong, Sakinah, Izzatil, Yahya, Hui Jin, Siew Yi, Rishe, Sandra, Cheah Yan, I wish you all good luck in your future. Don't worry, I'LL COME BACK EVERY WEEK. =]

Mr. Rajah, you are so far the most awesome Biology teacher I've ever met. Ms Ng, your speed, memang imba. But you're one of my favourite teachers. Mr Subra, to be honest, I'm so sorry that I seldom listen to you in class, instead was playing Angry Birds, Hungry Shark and Pumpkins vs Monsters. But I always enjoy your class when the light is off =p Mr. Lau, you're so cute, yet so arrogant lah. I can remember all your quote, ie See, Amazing anot? I do so fast, you all do so slow. Mr. Ari, I'm kinda glad I don't have to take Moral and Malaysian Study anymore, since it's an international school. Well, it's all depending on reasoning =3 Ms. Fiona, you are so awesome. Till now I still couldn't imagine and get how you can make something looked so complicated HAHA.

Next is all the restaurants. Face-to-Face, AC, Sky Village, Jojo, Canadian Pizza, Uncle Seng, Madam Joyce, Ramli Burger, Pontian, Cabana, Salmon Steak, Mc Donald, Baskin Robbin, Snogurt, Tutti Frutti, 100 yen Snow Ice, Taylor's Cafeteria. WALAOWEYY, HOW CAN I SURVIVE WITHOUT YOU ALL. T.T Let's hope the food there isn't that bad huh.

All the places. Library, Student lounges, Cafeteria, Studio, CPU classes, SAM classes, CAL classes, lecture theater, MPH, ECA, Laboratories, The Web. Oh pls, look for my scent. I WAS THERE..TEE HEE. =3 I'll be backkkkk.

TAYLOR'S DANCE CLUB a.k.a TDC. A club I've never regretted to join. I come to college, so tiring but it is the reason that wakes me up from my sleep. Nothing to sad lah, I'll sure come back anyway. Erm, hopefully at least once a week. Ohh, I'LL DEFINITELY BE THERE FOR REPRO. :3 Well, don't leave me out for any events or outing. I'll hide myself at the corner de. Oh Contemp crew, I'll miss you all lah. Remember practice your expression using a mirror okay? HAHA. MY LOVELY COMMITTEE SHANE, DAREN, GERALDINE, HUI QING, RIANNE, JUINN, NICOLE, I LOVE YOU ALL SO SO SO MUCH MUCH MUCH. STAY IN CONTACT! DON'T EVER TRY TO DUMP ME!!!

At the another end, people, throw me your wishes and good-lucks, hopefully I have a brighter future there. =)

I Love This World, Because It Gives Me The Best, Yet I Wanted More.

2011-05-14T21:53:00.004+08:00

Oh how long since I last updated this blog? Well, not many readers for this blog though.

So here comes some updates about my life =)

1. I had an intensive crazy-insane-mad-inhumanly practice just for the prestigious TSL scholarship award ceremony which only awarded me RM8k instead of RM18k that I think I deserve. And it came out the performance was quite good. Well, there are always spaces for improvement. And we totally need to boost up the quality of the performance. Thank you to ALL MY LOVELY DEAREST CLASSMATES AND FRIENDS who shouted my name during the performance. Ohh, I'm so touched.

2. Brandon Loo and Deena made a perfect couple of stalkers or secret investigators. Deena was craving to find out who is the girl that I have a crush on. And so she hired Brandon to stalk her out. Did I mention he was a professional stalker who can continuously stalk someone for five years until he found that person? So he started with my Facebook. He literally listed out all the girls that I've commented or posted on their walls since this year January on a piece of paper, then he eliminated those whom he think are not potentially my girl. I respect him a lot, for all the time and effort. WOW. HAHA.

3. Congratulation to all my friends who have gotten Petronas's scholarship to UK or Aus or wherever. They are so lucky and great. All the best. =)

4. I was having a week off from dancing because I wanna catch up with all my subjects. Amazing huh? Now I wonder where did the power of refraining myself from dancing come from. So so so I don't think I caught them up, because I'm still as slack as forever. Two tests are coming >.<

5. The TDC Party last night was so AWESOME. We ate, we laughed, we danced, we talked. And FINALLY, RE:PRO was announced. Hopefully can see A LOT of enthusiastic dancers wanting to participate. I personally chose LA, Hip Hop and Contemp. Then now I'm wondering why didn't I choose Girlstyle HAHAHA XP

6. This Black Hole has gotten so many new names from Rachel. Her blog memang imba lah. All the names, I LIKE. She cannot blame anyone I guess. Who earth can have her face drawn with BLACK lipstick, and...sigh, seeing her is like watching obscene scenes. No offense, but I gotta tell the truth.

7. Finally, this is something I'm so dreadful to talk about. JPA offered me 2 years A Levels (what the hell, 2 years?!) at Cempaka International School, Cheras and 3 years UK Science Degree. The first thing that I searched about this school is the dance club. Dishearteningly, it doesn't have a dance club. Fortunately, it has an awesomely large studio, and quite a bunch of enthusiastic dancers I believe. Next is I don't have to take Thinking Skills. I'm so sick of TKS already. It's not enhancing my creativity nor my logical thinking. The idiotic thing is, I'm going to waste one year instead of half a year there (AS year), as I've almost finished my AS syllabus at Taylor's. I guess more time for me to dance? And I gonna to graduate so so so late, approximately one year later, because of the 2 years programme. I will be forced to wear uniform as well, as it's a SCHOOL not a college. FML. All these above are incomparable to the tearing and breaking of my heart when realisation of me LEAVING TAYLOR'S, TDC AND PM12 HITS ME. I cried. I know this is a very good deal, yet I couldn't believe I'm starting all over again, without all these friends whom I love so so much with me. What can I do? I'm always fighting with my fate, and there's always something that I cannot control, and it disappointed me. Still, all I can say is, I LOVE YOU ALL, MY FRIENDS. I'll appreciate the remaining one month plus.

till I leave.

Untitled

2011-05-07T14:59:00.006+08:00

Sometimes I just have to love my dreams.

It happened twice. I dreamt of love.

I'm not perfect

2011-05-01T00:29:00.003+08:00

Well, tonight is an emotional night. I think I can blame this on my hormones. Alright, blame on me.

All this time, I am always recognized as one shining, excellent and caliber person. Imma no self-flattering, but this is how all my friends, okay not all, but most of them look or interpret me. They think I'm a genius I can get good grades all the time, they think I'm a leader I can do everything by myself, they think I'm a shining star that all the topics are about me, they think I'm strong I need no support, they think I'm resilient that all the problems don't seem a thing to me. I have to say, thank you, and I'm honoured and proud that all of you trust me. But, can you all do me a favour? Know me better.

I'm not a genius. I remember my high school friends finished 3 chapters of History in one day, but I took more than 1 week to finish them. When people spent 1 hour of study, I spent 4 hours. I never believe in "genius", I mean I know there are plenty out there, but I'm definitely not one. I spent countless sleepless night, to accomplish what people think "I always get good grades" reputation.

I'm not a leader. Yeah, I've been committees of countless clubs and societies for years, but there's no limit to improve and upgrade my leadership skills. When you say someone is a leader, I look up to the sky, and I see faces like Mark Zuckerberg, President Obama, Martin Lurther King Junior, or even Mother Teresa. Me comparing to them, is the tiniest thing ever I've seen. I'm currently a follower, living up to other great leaders' inspiration, trying hard to strive my own quote, and own achievement.

I'm not a shining star. Yes, I walk with my head up. Because I do not like the way my face being hidden, when I ain't a terrorist or rapist. I might seem confident on stage when I perform or dance, but once I leave the stage, I'm like everyone else, as ordinary as someone walking on the street. A little boy, growing up to a man, facing this massive network of community.

I'm not strong and resilient. Just that I hate crying in front of other people because of my inner weaknesses. I do not like to get sympathy with tears. There were moments I cried hard, and shouted like an insane man in my own room, but soon I stood up, and smiled. Even when I'm in the worst condition, I will still tell people "I'm fine", because I do not get any better by telling them I'm not. So this ain't the more the merrier thing, it's less people know, less people worry.

In fact, I dislike how people discover my mistakes earlier than me. Don't get me wrong, I won't dislike the person who discovers my mistakes, but I hate myself. I understand how the society now and even my friends will examine me with a magnifying glass of 1000X magnification. This is the reason why I do not let myself make any mistakes. If you ever see me depress because of this reason, well I guess the only way is leave me alone, because it's a necessary process to force myself to do better next time.

I'm not a selfless person. I might sacrifice a lot for something, for instance, spending countless sleepless nights, till I sick for TDC, but they are because I love dancing, I'm responsible and I love TDC, so lets say this - I'm selfish. Yes, I admit, I'm a selfish person. Do not feel shock when I do not want to share you something, I might just want to own something solely by myself.

I'm totally a hard neck person. In fact, I seriously hate making toleration and compromises. Why can't I have my own way. Yeah, I know this is really bad, but do give me time, and forgive me, because I'm learning to accept. But people, do listen to me with your hearts, do not reject my ideas.

I do not know how to express my feeling. When I'm happy, I will jump, I'll shout, I'll laugh, but most of the time I'll just blush and grin from ear to ear. When I'm sad, I'll stay expressionless, or I might be looked down, but no one can figure out what's happening. When I'm angry, I swear, I scold, I cry, but people thought I lose my mind since most of the time I looked calm. So, I chose to remain silent occasionally, or you know, dancing and singing are better ways.

I hate being misunderstood. I do not have excellent vocabularies like all my friends do. I might just use simple words with broken sentence structures, and this makes everyone misunderstands me, probably judge and criticize me in a hard way. I can't do much, can I? So, I rather stay quiet.

I love freedom. I do not like to be tied down to packed schedule. Despite I'm having such packed and regular schedule, I feel and sense the freedom of it. I'm doing something I love. I can sing, I can dance, I can study, I can laugh with my friends. Let me rephrase, I do not like to do things I don't like. But life is never as smooth as skin with SK II isn't?

I love to talk. Well, talk craps to be specific. People who do not know me well might feel I'm intimidating, but my friends will know I'm such lamer that a wheelchair doesn't help me to move. BUT, when it comes to any serious business, I'll stare and glare at you if you try to make fun of it.

I fall in love too. I have crushes too. I manja too. I like ice-cream and chocolate too. I dream a lot too. I'm a facebook addict too. =p

There are more to go. But the conclusion is, I'm not perfect, neither am I an useless person. So I'll be the ordinary man, living my life like everyone else. =D

Do you know me better now my friends?

p.s. photos from Deena's blog.

Bye Bye

2011-04-30T13:23:00.002+08:00

A theory that everyone knows - When a string is pulled too tight, a tension far too strong is built that it snaps the string. Well, I guess I've pushed myself over my super-extended limits. I fell sick! How on earth can this happen to me, when I have so many things to handle T.T Choreographies, dances, events, tests, homework, flu, tissues, fever, coughing, headache, pills, medicine are what made my life. After 12 hours of sleep, I decided to work things hard again =p

I guess my life is too contented, that I shouldn't moan over it. What stays will remain, and what doesn't belong to me, will never be mine. So, Good Bye, I'll Miss You, Always and Everyday. Aww, I really miss you.

Oh how lovely and sweet when there were friends around who bought you Pan Mee, who rushed you to the bed or will cut my genitals off or burn my house, who hugged me and gave me some comforts. Alright, I think I should fall sick frequently XP TOUCH WOOD TOUCH WOOD!!! Oh Nicole, I owed you 6.30 bucks.

Read through magazine, and OMFG, can I have Sony Ericsson Xperia Arc as my birthday present. I LOVE IT. OH MAMA PAPA ALMIGHTY GOD LOVELY FRIENDS, YOU HEAR ME??!! Chill, Chill, I shouldn't, should I?

I guess it's the time for me to choreograph. Bye Bye.

I'm glad I'm part of your life,
Even though it's so tiny,
That you wouldn't realise and care,
But it's you my dear,
whom I love. =)
Ming.

Strangers

2011-04-23T18:45:00.005+08:00

Alright, after two days of being so emotional, the happy lame pariah dope Ming is back. First of all, I must say thank you to DEENA, WEI WEI, RIANNE and CHUN KAY for being so concerning and kind. Rianne & Chun Kay, I shall wait for the BR. I mean it =p

So I've made up my mind. I just want everything to remain the same. I might still be the one who swallows everything, and ending up stressed, but I think I prefer this way, and how fate arranges this for me. I wouldn't mind, putting my efforts and passions wholeheartedly again, even though I might not be appreciated at the end. I'll never ever regret. It changes my life. I asked myself repeatedly, what was it for I spent sleepless nights and energies to do all these, then I remember I once said "It doesn't matter it gonna take me 3 months, 3 years or 30 years, I want to continue this way". And this quote is what I hold on to, till today. I guess no one knows how important this quote is to me, it brings me up and holds me tight during my every downhill. So many experiences I had, I know this is not the time for me to give up, and I know I never will.

I remember how I doubted myself last Friday. When everything just didn't fall on it's right position. I even lost the interest to dance. So empty, hollow and energy-less, I chose to sit there and tried to decide. I almost decided to quit. I was pretty sure it doesn't cause an impact to it, because things goes on, like how I usually say Life Goes On. I looked at the people around me, they were so happy and they seemed live a different life from mine. I was isolated, I felt unfit into their world. Then I left the room and went home. I decided it was the time for me to leave quietly and you know, as if I never existed there, though I know my life will never ever be the same again.

I never knew I have a bunch of AWESOME friends. They did realised the dead me, and concerned about me. I never really told anyone what happened actually. But that's more than enough. Having friends who wanted to bring me to BR, friend who believes I can shine and friends who want the old me back. And there I see a beam of light in the sea of darkness.

I so wanna Monday to come faster lah. You know what's waiting me? ICE-CREAM! HEADPHONE! DANCES!
Wishing all the seniors Good Luck in their coming A2 papers.
Ming. =D

I Love The Way I Lie

2011-04-22T10:22:00.002+08:00

Thanks to Camilyn, Deena, Chun Kay, Othniel and Twan Ting who actually concerned about me last night. Thank you. =) I appreciate them.

Currently listening to Rihanna's Love The Way You Lie Part 2. Out of sudden, I love this song so much. It just suits my feeling right now. The only difference is, I prefer the way I lie.

Yesterday you were so closed, yet so far. How many times I asked myself to control my thoughts? I couldn't afford to think about you and feel hurt at the same time when I am so busy and stressed. I chilled, breathed, relaxed, bathed, ate, slept and smiled, they didn't work things out for me. I remember the way I cried hard last night, just when everything fell on my shoulder, and I literally screwed them, but you were not there for me. I wish and I almost called out for you, fortunately I didn't.

I found myself smiling non-stop when I think about how closed you were there for me yesterday. And then, you were so far away, I couldn't even reach you even though our distance on the map is just a few finger length.

I forced and told myself to stop hallucinating and fascinating. And I'm sure I will.

p.s. it's sick that all these distances are what keeps me satisfied.

All By Myself

2011-04-21T21:43:00.003+08:00

As Deena said my blog is almost dead, so I might as well want to post something here to save it, coincidentally something just happened today.

I thought the plan that I had came out with him was going to work, though the plan was not even announced yet, I 100% believe it will save me from my stress, and at the same time, make my life easier. But I was wrong. So it was a pre-test of this plan today, and wonderfully I was proved so wrong that this plan is not going to work at all in the future.

Can you imagine my life waking up to problems that are not solved last night, worrying about events that are going to happen later in the afternoon, and my phone was ringing and beeping NON-STOP from the morning, getting msg and call from almost everyone. At the same time, I have to force out a smile occasionally to at least prove I'm not literally a walking corpse. Smiles with worries behind, about what things else I haven't thought of or I might have missed.

For the first time, I asked for help. And I think it was totally a super wrong idea. I have been swallowing everything all time long, and handled them all by myself, why couldn't I just force myself to finish everything up again by myself, instead of troubling other people, and made myself feeling guilty now, and too thinking I'm not being understood and appreciated. I'm such an idiot and fucking bitch.

Don't take it lightly, I said sorry when I really mean it. This time, I managed to get over it (hopefully) after my tears, without you and your comfort, and I have decided to stick to everything before this failed plan. Nothing is going to change, neither I want to change anything anymore. I think I'll be happier this way, and more importantly so do others. I wouldn't mind, sacrificing more, having less sleep, bigger eye bags and darker eye circles.

Once again, thank you, and sorry.
I do really care.
Ming.

Rainbow Comes After Rain

2011-04-12T00:23:00.003+08:00

Khazanah Yayasan Global rejected my application. I gonna show them and make them regret of not choosing me.

As the title has suggested, something so happy happened that I couldn't even depict it by means of words. I've never felt so close. I got to know more. And I've never been more appreciated. I guess it's something really meaningful to me. You know, in the midst of people, I was isolated and alone, and there are people who are really there for me, and concern about me right now. It was really special when communication suddenly works better before than it was, and we're all connected together again. I really meant it when I said it was opposing what I wanted, but now I felt honoured, and so lucky. Who else on earth will do the right thing and say the right words at the right time, for me! I pay my concern too, not really something like paying back, but I really want to get a chance to care, because I feel so happy, really elated, when I did that to someone I love a lot. Well, I wouldn't know whether I still have the chance to feel this sweetness, but for once, I think I've got enough, though I wanted more. Thank you. =D

Congratulation Jolin Tsai, your performance during award ceremony made me so proud of you and Vogue. And congratulate that you had your deserving 4 awards. I love you, all the time. And yes, you're always the one who gives me strength whenever and wherever I fall.

I had one big packet of chocolates, 4 cones of ice-creams and 1 Oreo McFlurry in these two days. I still have one last ice-cream in my freeze. I guess that will stay there till I need it again for de-stressing =D Oh, sweetness is a much better medicine. But I can't get it always.

Thank you to those who were beside me yesterday, especially Daren.
And thank you to those who were with me today.

Ming.

Myself

2011-04-09T22:01:00.004+08:00

I've been brought down to my knees

And I've been pushed
Way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back, back on my feet
This is far from over

You haven't seen the last of me.

In conjunction with Jolin's Myself Live In Malaysia Concert which will be held on 11th June, I titled this post "Myself". =D I remember how stressful and emotional was I back few days ago. Yes, I know I've already used to this kind of hectic and unbreathable lifestyle, just that I suddenly became so inevitably doubtful about what I was doing worth my health, my friends and my love.

I remember 4 years ago, when I was performing for many, many tours, I had once broken down because of so many imperfections I'd found in myself and so many sacrifices I'd made. I never allow other people to realise my mistakes earlier than I myself do, because this will make me feel I haven't been doing my best yet. A lot of people always ask me, how did I manage to survive over the overwhelmed stress and pressure. I answered them honestly, I don't know. I remember my idol had once said, "It doesn't matter it gonna take me 3 months, 3 years or 30 years, I wanna continue performing." This is one of my favourite quotations, and I kept this close to myself, bear my mind that this is what I love, and what I want to live to.

As you know, I'm currently pursuing A-Levels. Yes, though it was only AS Level, and I know all my seniors said it was JUST monthly tests and Semester One test, I couldn't and will never ever take them lightly. I couldn't bear a single failure due to my slacking and laziness. I know my limit is not exceeded yet. Hence, I spent my sleeping time to study, and study. I barely had 5 hours of sleep per day for consecutive 2 weeks. Besides, I've to go for dance practices and performances and meetings, so on and so forth. I had my worst eye bags and pls people, never ever remind me that I have them. And pimples =( Fortunately, my late night-study was worthy as I got good grades and results. =)

So my raging hormones somehow got into my mind and made me feel so miserable. It was worst when I had to dump my friends, not going to the Genting Trip just for my performance's sake. I spent my morning trying to hold my tears, embracing myself from falling down, I couldn't afford to show people I was a weakling when my classmates were having fun at Genting. I walked into the dance studio, and I realised, how gruesome I was, until I couldn't recognise myself. You know what I mean by gruesome, not physically, but in term of dancing, I couldn't feel a thing, nor express anything. Then, I logged in my account, and I searched through YouTube for my idol's video clips. Watching how she persisted and insisted, yet never gave up, I know this is the time for me to stand up, walk back into the studio, face the mirror, and get myself back. This time, I managed to have my soul back!

I know this is my life, a life that seems unbearable for me, a life that seems so hectic and crazily crushed, but I want to live to it, because I know this is a dancer's fate, and I'll never be brought down again.

I'm busier than you've ever thought of. I don't really have to let you know how busy I am. Looking at my calendar, I was depressed, and now I'm contented. How amazing one night of performance can actually change my point of view, but NOT my perfectionist's style. I still dislike my performance, it was the worst performance I've ever done. And yes, I gonna learn from my mistakes.

If there's ONE audience, I WILL perform. =))

my idol, lovely Jolin.

FML

2011-04-02T00:52:00.004+08:00

[28/3] After my class, I went for TDC meeting and it was till 6++ pm. Rushed home. Studied in restless mood. Tests were coming soon. Slept at 12.

[29/3] Went to studio after class. Was so sleepy that I tried to concentrate in my study but apparently I failed. So I need to dance. And till 6. Rushed home to study. Slept at 12.

[30/3] Rushed to TDC crew practice right after my class. So tired that I forced myself to put in my emotion in Contemp. Wanted to rush home at 6 but I realised I got no transport that day. Calvin's father fetched me to Sunway and I need to take taxi. And study again. Slept at 1.

[31/3] Right after class, I spent one hr to study to Bio. Was so damn sleepy I kept rubbing my eyes. Went to Kpop class after that. Rushed home at 6 and forced myself to study till 12 since I got tests tomorrow.

[1/4] April fool. No matter how much I studied, I just screwed my papers. Say bye to good grades. DAMN. =( FINALLY had 2 hours to relax at Jojo and Pet House before attending TDC meeting and crew practice again. Rushed to Kota Damansara for Flashmob rehearsal. From 8 till 11++pm. And now I just reached home and typing all these things to self-chill. I'm hungryyyyy.

[2/4] Gonna have extra 3 hrs of Physics class tomorrow. WHAT ON EARTH!!! Maybe I will take 3 hours to relax and watch a movie after that. I need to rest. But I'm not sure, I need to rush all my homework and assignments, and STUDY FOR MY REMAINING TESTS!

[3/4] I cannot sleep as much as I wish anymore. I need to go KL Pavilion to participate a Flashmob in conjuction with F1 Race. My mind is still trying to remember the steps now. Urgh. But I'm getting paid. Did I mention that I'm always a part time dancer before? So if you need me, pls contact me =D

[4/4] Physics test. Go die larh. God Bless Me.

[5/4] Have to study and prepare for tomorrow test.

[6/4] Chemistry test. What a test before our holiday. God Bless me.

[7/4] PM12 Genting Trip. I wanted to rest at home and sleep as long as possible. But I wouldn't want to miss all the fun and my friends wanted me to go. So yeah.

[8/4] I've to RUSH back from Genting to Taylor's Lakeside for the sake of the performance. Oh God, bless me that I'll get there in time. And I haven't even prepare my attire yet. Rianne, just by this, you should belanja me Apple pie.

[9/4] The day I've to go back to Catholic High School to attend the Majlis Anugerah Cemerlang SPM 2010. OMG. Can't they just send the certificates and awards to my house? I don't want to wake up at 6 and rush there to reach at 7.

[10/4] FINALLY, MY SLEEPING TIME. And you know what, I still got TKS assignments for next few days. Great no?

[14, 15, 16/4] Lead Camp at Taylor's College. See, my holiday never belongs to me, it belongs to all my tasks, assignments, appointments, dance, study, and now camp. And on 16/4, I gonna rush from camp to my primary school class gathering. Cool?

[18/4] College reopens. Holiday ENDS.

wengming.
p.s sorry for broken structures and language. My mind ain't functioning now.
FML.

Stop.Step.Away

2011-03-29T19:38:00.002+08:00

There's always a border line for everything. I wouldn't mind tolerating for most of the things, because I'm a nice person. I might be sounded sarcastic at some times, or even red-tempered if I'm not in the good mood, but yes, you shall back off when your words are not heeding people's feelings.

When people sounded serious, and yes REALLY serious, you have to know how to control. You will never ever know how and what types of experiences people had in their pasts. And yes, frankly I am really afraid because there were cases which made me uncomfortable-ed.

In fact, when I crap, or joke, or even shit, I never ever lose my mind that I'll go beyond the line because I know how much it hurts. And how long it takes to heal. I can actually throw your words all behind, but simply I treat you as one priceless and valueless friend in my life, I weighed them heavy.

And yes, when I said YES, it means yes. And it's a NO, it's definitely a no. If you know me well, I HATE double-faced people, and I will never be one myself. Do not judge or doubt my statement, I know who am I and I know what I want.

One good thing is, I forget and forgive easily. At this second I am mad, but next I don't remember a thing. But if things go on and on, I'm afraid that I gonna forget you forever.

And you people are forgiven. Because I'm so busy I wanna concentrate, and I value friendship over anger.

Seven Wonders in PM12

2011-03-26T14:40:00.007+08:00

I promised to write about this. PM12, a class that I love the most.

1. Black Hole *hot**popular*
Oh, I bet everyone is craving to see the mysterious Black Hole that sucks everything into it. Surprisingly, and unfortunately, this Black Hole somehow shifted its place from the almighty universal to our class. It sucks out our interests to study, it sucks out our attention and it sucks out the food that we've just eaten (yes, vomit). It's marked hot and popular because even SAM students know about this. This black hole also releases something, it may be due to its genetic alteration. If you did an experiment in our class, you will find out some terrible voices and electric currents are released at a fixed time interval, but the frequency increases during Mr.Subra's lesson. A graph which shows frequency of terrible voices is directly proportional to the thickness of make-up is obtained. Like one of the PM12 Idols said, powders can be seen popping from her face when she talks. Did I mention her glorious attires? Maybe the Black Hole has lived in the dark and lonely Universal for too long, so this is the time for her to partey everyday, together with her "blond hair". Do not underestimate her. I remember she has a chip in her head that allows her to calculate any mathematics questions in 0.000000001 sec.

2. PM12 Idols
Apart from the terrible voices, you'll find some melodies as the background in your experiment. You many put them as the environmental factor that is inevitable. I can supply with some examples :
"I was thinking bout you, thinking bout me, thinking bout us....."
"It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you wishing I..."
"If I said my heart was beating loud, if we could escape..."
"Cause' baby you're a firework, come on show em' what..."
PM12 produces successful singers like Minn Swift, Shaun Perry and Deena Lambert. They sing non-stop, trying to kacau my studies every single time. And yes thanks to them, I aspire to produce a song with Shaun Perry. You people shall wait for it. Stay tune =D

3. Surrogate Father
Alright, the one who wants my sperms and says I'm as strong as a horse. EXCUSE ME! Who the hell are you to say these? First, you're not a pretty lady. Second, you're totally-entirely-absolutely-definitely not my cup of tea. You can catch a loud voice "YOUR MUM" in your experiment, and you can classify it as mentally retardation factor. In case you haven't know him, yes he is a male, you can come to our class and have a glimpse. He is very easy to be recognised, he is the one with ghostly horrible laughing voices, beside his favourite "your mum" quotation. If he was a lady, I might be touched by his words. "You're better than my SPM, you're my A*". Malangnya, he is not, and I almost die of suffocating when I listened this. The day without this father in our class will be quiet, so you know he's one of the souls in our class.

4. Smarties
Beside the mathematician that I had mentioned earlier, there are also a lot of future doctors and engineers in our class. We have the international accent provider, who looks like a Korean, but speaks like American business man. We have philosopher who aspires to become doctor, I'm afraid she will accidentally kill a man when Torres is playing a game. I think philosopher suits her much, because she debates like the dooms day is coming and she scores good grades in Thinking Skills. I can't afford to tell all. I believe each and every PM12-ian is super duper smart. Dope.

5. Hardworkers
These people always sit in front, and always pay 100% concentration and attention to lecturers. Whenever lecturers ask us to read or do something, they are the first group who accomplished them. We're always too busy to bother all the assignments, so they must be very free to finish them. One advice from me, get a life people. Do not face the books all the time. You need music, dancing, crapping and sleeping. XD

6. Johor Gang
We have Rajah's favourite who always talk craps, Tiger who rawrs everywhere, Sleeper who sleeps all the time and kena snapped photos by Rajah's favourite, Muarer who becomes stories supplier about his girlfriend, and BP-er who skipped classes for few days already. Did I mention that the Black Hole is a member of Johor Gang? Oh, this made Rajah's favourite feels ashamed. Don't be babe.

7. Fantasizer
When things get on our nerves, we fantasize a lot to ease ourselves out of those pains. Like the Tree Philosopher who fantasizes to become a revolutionist with her jungle philosophy, I shall say she will live in her dream forever. She has a more realistic ambition, to be a brain surgeon. Oh poor patients, please bear with her philosophies before she lifts up the surgical knives. Oh wait, she got a point! Who knows she revolutionizes this world by operating brain surgery, implanting her philosophies into people's brains!

These are the wonders in PM12. Welcome to PM12, The Wonderland. =)

wengming.

Friday

2011-03-25T19:25:00.010+08:00

I was supposed to update this blog yesterday but due to one of the things I gonna talk about later, I didn't. So here I am.

1. If you think you can, you can. @ 23/3/11
This was the day all SPM 2010 takers worried the most. Honestly I don't feel like describing how nervous was I and how many million times I sent out my prayers. I'll keep this as simple as possible. As usual, I looked grey and was stupefied whilst I was sitting in the hall, waiting for the exuberant-or-i-am-dead moment. *Fast Forward* I remember my form teacher En.Rizal, my KRS teacher advisor Mr.Guna and our school discipline teacher Mr.Lean stared at me when I shouted upon getting my results. Hehe, 9A+ & 1A. Screw Chinese! I'm satisfied =)

2. Build your confidence @ 23/3/11
Surprisingly, I didn't hang out with my friends after getting my SPM results. Instead, I went to talk to my KRS junior President. I think I spent at least an hour giving advices and telling him my experiences as ex-President. My juniors, I shall have faith in them. And yes, show me something.

3. Award yourself with chocolates @ 23/3/11
When I was taking bus home and passed by Mid Valley station bus stop, I bought two packets of chocolates as a reward to my excellent result. I've never pampered myself, people who know me well will know this, I'm a freaky self-abused pro =p. And this night, I smiled from ear to ear non-stop. For the first time, I feel this was the luckiest day ever since I was born when I got RM500 angpau from my Dad's boss. How kind and generous he was!

4. Facebook a daily routine @ 24/3/11
Finally my internet connection comes back. Oh, did I mention it was cut because my mum didn't pay the bill when it was not sent to my house? Screw Maxis Broadband. Okay, FINALLY after two days without online using computer but only with handphone which costs me three bucks.

5. Scholarships @ 24/3/11 , 25/3/11
This was the reason why I was not updating my blog last night. Simply because I was and am so disappointed with the government. I tried to apply to JPA scholarship, and I found out there was no Biotechnology in its overseas programmes. I've to choose SAINS TULEN (Pure Science) instead, and can only choose Biotech under if-i-am-chosen-to-study-locally-condition. Another thing was, I need another point to get 18k for Taylor's Merit Scholarship, and now I'm only credited to 8k. See the difference? 10K!!! I should have taken Account, and AGAIN because of government's earliest decision that only 10 subjects are allowed to be taken, I dropped it. Screw Chinese again! If not I would have gotten 18k. Yes, I'm blaming the government. Rachel, we have the same ambition now. You know, I know. I visited Sime Darby's portal today to apply for its Pre-U scholarship but it wasn't there. I don't know whether they haven't opened it up for application or simply they wanted to add on to my hardship. I hold onto my dream, always. Give me some good news PLEASE.

6. It is the time @ 25/3/11
I dunno whether it was due to my emo-ness, or because I really wanted to do well during my time being in Taylor's (in case I'm leaving =X), I spent two hours studying Biology at CPU building today. I managed to finish one chapter. I was amazed, normally I wouldn't touch books. I must have grown up HAHA.

7. Haunted @ 24/3/11 , 25/3/11
by Taylor Swift. This song is haunting me, my application to scholarships is haunting me, my tests are haunting me, but I must stand strong, because you've never seen the last of me. I'm gonna show you all what I was made of. You'll be surprised. So many obstacles I had encountered and one by one I shot them down, same to all these.

Weng Ming.
p.s. Rebecca Black's Friday is the title. =p

Friend

2011-03-21T22:50:00.013+08:00

In fact, I wanted to write something about Seven Wonders in PM12 before I left this blog dead because I do not think I'll have the mood to write tomorrow, when butterflies tie themselves up in my stomach and eventually die =( Alright, actually it is because I'll be taking my SPM results, so wish me luck.

Instead of writing 'Wonders in PM12' which I'll be posting some days later, I want to dedicate this post to a friend of mine, whose name will not be revealed in this post. =)

___________________________________________________

"One month, or less we've known each other. And I'm already saying 'No matter how many times I'm given to choose, I want to be your friend". I cherish our friendship, and I'll never forget how many times you intruded my dreams when I was sick so badly yesterday, mumbling words that were barely audible, but your name was one of the few words that stirred me. I admit, hallucination attacked my mind, and I've never dreamt of something so beautiful, so pure. I could have just lied in my bed and enjoyed it. But I didn't. I know I shouldn't cross the line, and I'll never ever again, put myself into the same situation that I'd experienced in my past.

I've never ever noticed you before this until we met there. And trust me, my first impression to you was - we'll never be friend. Not because how bad you look or something, but I can see how different we are. But how fortunate God arranged our fates, there's always the universal tool that links people together, and so it connected us up. Thing we love, or many people love, is the only thing that I find myself bound to you. And we're still bound to each other, with the help of oh-you-know-what!

I remember myself saying I want to stop facing you if I ever spin. Now I shall retrieve this foolish sentence. I will, and I want to face you, whenever I can, with all my heart, realising I'll never regret knowing this friend. No worries. I'll never ever cross the hazardous line=) I've carved this statement clearly in my heart, that I can memorize it starting backwards. Alright, I can't but yeah, I love you, my friend. It says all that I couldn't.

Your smiles, your nodding, or even the expressionless face, I'll take it all, and shall not interpret them. Because I know whenever and whichever you painted your face with, you're the awesome friend I know. I will not complain nor judge.

I'll not, and never again, stalk you XD Because with my wishes and prayers, I know you'll always be happy, healthy and smile like no big deal. I'll not glance you in such a way as if you're having rice or dirt on your face, because you look beautiful and charming all the time. I'll not talk to you, or post something to you on purpose to communicate with you, because I'm satisfied, having to know you.

I know, and I realise the fact that we're still totally two different people from two different worlds with just one bridge connecting both. It's okay I'll say, simply because knowing you is all I want. I will not want any further, nor any closer. Even you just walked past me and we didn't talk to each other was perfectly okay, I know you were there, and distances meant nothing to me. Even we're now miles away, I'll get a map, and find out how many finger lengths that join up my place and yours.

Lastly, I love you, like nobody else does, my friend =) "

____________________________________________________

Weng Ming. =D

p.s I was damn freaking happy when I was writing this because Leon is gonna belanja me waffle tomorrow. (Y)

Beautiful

2011-03-19T13:15:00.027+08:00

Let's talk about life today. What pops into your mind when you come across this big issue?
Success, Failure, Money, Poverty, Sex, Love, Happiness, Death etc etc?

1. Success vs Failure.
Hmm, let me guess. You may have already planned your life or your life has already been planned ahead. No worries. Everything goes on perfectly without problems and whining. And so you see yourself as a successful man, you see yourself having a bright future.
Ask yourself a question, how high have you aimed? Or have you been hitting your parents' targets? You once aimed so high that you were always blamed being a perfectionist, and when you missed it, people laughed at you. You feel embarrassed and you back off. For instance, a close example I'll take, you used to aim 90/100 for your exam, and now you pray that you pass. You lowered your aim, and of course you feel happy and satisfying when you hit your so-called target. Something shameful isn't it? Well said, Michelangelo. You gave yourself a reason - because I'm contented with what I have. Oh, I congratulate you, you have just wasted your life, because you never try, or even you tried and failed, you failed again to stand up. Two failures in one try, shame on you. Alright, you now feel like trying to accomplish something you have never done before? Easy.

2. Sex
I'm not going to talk much about this. Simply because people like to do it, but not talk about it. Agree? I once read a blog post by a gay, a sentence struck me so hard, not because of how gruesome it was, but how much bravery he'd shown. The sentence sounded like this - "I'm not gonna turn my back on cock". Alright, I admit it was a little disgusting, but not many homosexuals have the gut to say it. Well, another confession by another homosexual that I've once came across (I rephrased it) - Hetero looks down on homo, because there's less homo. If everyone is homo, hetero is a shit.
Equality is always mentioned, but when it comes to LGBT's right, everyone despises and squints his/her eyes. People, you don't have to be one of them to support them. All you need to do, is to hug, and they will know you accepted them. Their lifestyles got nothing to do with you, so stop penalizing them, only if they bother you so much, you really have to consider you might be one of them. You won't know it takes me a while to decide to google photos about gays and lesbians. No doubt all kinds of photos show up (I never turned on my safety search =p), but I took my courage to look at them. So do you have the courage to accept them?

3. Love & Happiness
Stressed and overwhelmed with piles of work and packed schedule? Okay, we're in the same boat. But, can you just take 5 minutes to listen to one song, and drink a cup of tea or whatever you want, and lastly don't forget to breathe, smile and relax? All it takes is less than 5 minutes, and you can return to your work. How hard I find recently, to have people laugh and smile, from their hearts and souls. It becomes such a big challenge! It seems like people all around have forgotten the hope, faith and love in their lives. So instrumental they have become, all they want is just money, and wealth. Give you some pebbles again :Did you see? No hope, no faith. No faith, no believe. No believe, no love. Crap. XD

4. Death
Most of the people are afraid of death. "I'm losing my life, my family, my loved ones, my friends, my money, my reputation, my......". HONESTLY, how many things you wish to bring along with you to coffin? =.= If you ask me, one thing I want to bring along with me, that's faith. Having faith in my family, friends and loved ones that they gonna live strong and miss me, Having faith in God He will never leave me because I love Him.
Like all the dramas we have watched, dying people start to appreciate, to love and to forgive. But I want to add on, I want to apologize. To all I've hurt, all I've never loved enough, and all I've never understand. Here it goes ~~5. Soul
You shall let your soul sparkle, and remember you're original and cannot be replaced. So let your soul speaks using the eyes, the ears and the heart. Lead you soul, do not wait to be led. Do not afraid to bring your soul to one route which is less traveled, because you are who you are.

Alright, you can leave your inspirational quote in the comment, and i'll say -

Lastly, something to say to myself or maybe to you =D :

So I throw up my fist
Throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth
That sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah I'll send out a wish
Yeah I'll send out a prayer
And finally someone will see
How much I care.

Weng Ming
p.s I claim no rights to these photos.

Get It Right

2011-03-18T21:15:00.006+08:00

I learned Waltz. I shall wait till I've the chance to dance with girls in Prom. Thanks Ian & CK.
I finished revising Chem and Phy. Amazing? Bio report! Gah!
I missed the chance to participate Joint Charity Dancing Competition. Michelle is having holidays, too little time to practice. Crap =/
I gonna perform for Hainan Association Mask Night in April. Can't wait =)
I wanna the Genting trip to come as soon as possible. Can't wait again.
I so gonna support Man Utd again in Quater-final (versus Chelsea) =]
I wish I'm 18 now. =(
I LOVE TDC ♥

A habit that I must change So I can stop staring at you The immaculate you Draw me across the room All my efforts to resist Vapourise in no time How many times will it take For the realisation to hit me I'm such idiot To fall for you Again and again Everytime I spin I wish the direction when I stop Will never be you But I always failed I always wait for your smile And your serious face Then I slap myself For being stubborn Hug me again Don't you bring me down today I miss you ♥.

Speechless

2011-03-15T15:19:00.007+08:00

Oh well, I'm blogging simply because I'm bored now, as I'm waiting Andrea to be here so I can dance with her - GHOST. And this is the 1st time I blog outside of my room. Being so exposed and even having a tiny chance to be "eavesdropped" made me feel eerie.

So, another awesome day today, except the fact that Japan is still having its pitiful moment made me crazy =) I'd been seeing fb status about nuclear power plant exploded in Japan and so we have to be so extra careful not to let the ACID rain to touch us. So? Is it true, I truly doubt so.

There are some things I wanna add to my to-do-list.
1. I must dig the truth about Ray's ambition and Wei's proof by TOMORROW!
2. In fact, nothing else. XD except I need to study!!! Chemistry and Physics is my target *.*

Oh, an extraordinary sharing session has been made by Jason today. OWH, how sad it was, and it refreshed my past in my mind. To people who want to know (incase you haven't know Jason's story) I'm sorry, it's A SECRET. Still, I'M SO GLAD I'M SINGLE. Hear it, I'm single. XD Things happen naturally, it cannot be wished and it comes out of sudden =)

Jason & Wee Minn, it was really great knowing each other thoughts with just eyes contact HAHAHA. You know, I know, what we were thinking. Shhhhhhh.

I'm seriously speechless, as in nothing to talk now, so here it goes - Lady Gaga's Speechless.
(oh, Deena you remind me how much I obsessed with Lady Gaga =])

I can't believe, what you said to me,

last night we were alone,

you throw your hands up,

baby you gave up, you gave up ;(

Weng Ming
(since Mark said MING Dynasty is better )

Bound To You

2011-03-14T21:21:00.004+08:00

Earthquake that had just happened in Japan, brings massive devastation, and too, distraught-ed our hearts. How can a land so wonderful, having to face such crazy punishment from Him, yet so resilient and bold in facing all these mournful scenes? Did you see the raw footage - How disciplined Japanese are, they queued up when they wanted to purchase their needs? Can you imagine this extreme disaster that were beyond our imagination happen in M'sia, and people around start to grab, rob, and steal whatever they can? Shameful. Hope this teaches Msian a lesson. I pray hard, less people die and injure. I can't be praying no one will die, it's impossible though. And again, all these lead to the clueless conclusion : END OF THE WORLD 2012. People, pls, get back to the reality and help those who are in need. I really hope I can do something, as praying is all that I can do now. Oh yeah, those nuclear power plants shall STOP exploding, or melt-down, I don't want the world to be oh-i-can't-even-imagine. GOD BLESS YOU.

Alright, enough of the issue that demonstrate our powerlessness to control it. Now, I shall bring some happy things to update this long-abandoned blog.
1. I performed in SAMFiesta, which is the 1st ever performance I'd done in Taylor's.
2. PM12 is getting crazy, and 3 hours of break is the most precious things I had today.
3. I passed my driving test and had gotten my licence. So I'm now a legal driver XD
4. Oh, i'm so indulged in dancing i can never pluck myself out of the sea of joyful.
5. I super like Mahatma Gandhi. HAHA. Non-violence!!!
6. I like KOREAN FOOD. =)) never get bored!
7. Manchester United 2 - Arsenal 0.

And of course some dreadful events :
1. Bio, Chem, Phy, Math, TKS. Why don't you kill me in one shot?
2. I seriously need to study already. I don't want to screw my Math exam again! =(
3. How come I'm still blogging when I just wanted to study?
4. SPM results out in 23rd March. OMG! Pls, I pray even harder.
5. I fall in love. Crap. Ignore this. LOL.

sweet love, sweet love
trapped in your love
i opened up, unsure i can trust
my heart and i were buried in dust
free me, free us.
i'm strong, i'm sure that's a fire in us
sweet love, so pure.

Sign out, Shawn, with love.

Grown Up

2011-03-12T15:58:00.004+08:00

Time zooms and it's already March.

Being hectic and so i didn't blog much.
I miss and love all my friends very much.
When can we hang out as a bunch?

College life is so wonderful.
Everyone here is so beautiful.Things I learn here are countless.
I'm scared, time remaining is less.

I learn to perform,
I learn to express,
I learn to love,
I learn to hug.

Friends here,
Food here,
Life here,
Awe-to-the-some.

Time here,
Assignments here,
Traffic here,
Awe-to-the-ful.

Still, I appreciate everything,
Everything I have now,
Now I pray everyday,
Everyday I remember I'm loved,
Love that never fades.♥

p.s. reactivation of this blog begins. ;D

HAPPY BUNNY NEW YEAR =)

2011-02-08T18:58:00.003+08:00

Wishing everyone a good, healthy, prosperous, happy and sweet 2011 =D

Thank You

2010-06-28T22:49:00.006+08:00

BIG Thanks to everyone who wishes me Happy Birthday.

(not in orders)~~Sonia Wong, Ley Kuan, Kelvin Wong, Kok Shi, Wei Yine, Marilyn, Lim Pei Jie, Wong Hoi Kee, Li Xien, Terence Neoh, Chor Koon, Wilson, Vi-Vian, Kai Boon, Yee Jing, Suet Ching, Tze Donn, Twan Er, Twan Ting, Celine, Pn. Siti, Yap Yee, Yap Wei, Jeng Mey, Benjamin, Yet Jun, Jia En, Zhen Yi, Agnes, Kai Feng, Soo Sim, Tin Wei Wei, Anne Teh, Rachael Yee, Mun Shin, Nesylia Lim, Jia Ling, Edna Loh, Brian Soong, Qi Hui, Pei She, Tong Yang, Ying Bin, Rebecca, Hui Teng, Wen Dee, Jan Sen, Desmond, Suzanna, Marissa, Siang Sheng, Aaron Ng, Khang Yee, Win-Sen, Chiew Ting, Aaron Leong, YewHo, Qiao Xin, Kok Sheng, Wong Shi Yi, Xin Yin, Kays Elle, Zhi Min, Jonathan Tan, Irene Khor, Weng Soong, Yee Sim, Pey Jing, Jee Khin, Wei Lik, Gerald Lim, Sean Beh, Pamela, Kimberly Choo, Ying Ying, Jin Yun, Yi He, Jane Siow, Duncan, Charmaine, Daphney, Suat Li, Xue Ying, Michelle Leong, Kang Yao, Chee Keen, Jolin's Fans Club Malaysia, Chong Sheng, Siew Yee, Devon Ng, Alex Loke, Family......

If I left out your name, I'M VERY SORRY...I'm trying very hard to remember everyone. You can add your name in the comment =).

THANK YOU =)

p.s. Happy Birthday Yip Chee.

蔡依林-台湾心跳声

2010-06-08T21:14:00.002+08:00

很宁静，很舒服。

没那么简单 - 黄小琥

2010-03-22T21:11:00.004+08:00

爱的主场秀

2010-02-20T21:21:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday, Happy CNY, Happy Valentine's Day

2010-02-12T21:42:00.003+08:00

(8/2) Happy Birthday!!! Went out to Mid Valley with dear and her few friends one day earlier. I hope she really like the surprise I gave her. [ Your friends, the Secret Recipe cake, the presents, the movie you longing to watch, the card, the poem and so on, I memang planned for a long time already. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! ]

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO BABY. [ I know you seldom drink water, so I gave you a mug. MUST drink more water with it =) I know you like romantic, hope you like the cookies and the flowers and the card that I gave you too =) Thanks for your T-shirt too. MUAX =*) ]

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!! Start your year with fullest happiness =)

SE SATIO

2009-12-28T22:15:00.003+08:00

Forget about the C905, now I'm targeting SE SATIO, though I've no money :((

SE C905

2009-12-24T22:10:00.003+08:00

Anyone could buy me this? I want it. =(

AVATAR

2009-12-23T22:22:00.005+08:00

I've watched this movie. Human traversed such a time-eating journey to Pandora for something stupid unobtanium which I've never heard of. And they had destroyed the Navi's Hometree. I wish I could live there, though I have to live in Avatar form, wearing a tiny piece of cloth, jumping from tree to tree, seeing all mad-size creatures, riding horses with their nostrils at their necks and flying in the air with incredible powerful 'birds'. I love that place, it filled with peace, soul could easily listen and connect to the Tree of Voices. And Eywa as their mother goddess, the Tree of Souls could transplant human's soul into Navi's Avatar.

The unimaginable, dangerous yet attractive place.
_______________________________________________________

Watched this movie with dear at Sunway Pyramid. She waited me there in front of Guess' seat. Then we bought the movie ticket for AVATAR. Then we went to BURGER KING for lunch, trying to find some peaceful place for us. Seated there for almost 1 hour. Relax. Then went around to see some gifts before we went to cinema. It was very cold, we were holding and rubbing each other hands for warmth. XD After that, we went to Jusco and I bought a super cutie lovie doggie to baby as Christmas present. =)

2012

2009-11-16T20:18:00.008+08:00

In 2009, the sun emits a massive solar flare. American scientist Adrian Helmsley travels to a neutrino detector in a copper mine in India to meet his friend, Satnam, who has discovered that Earth's core temperature is increasing rapidly. Adrian returns to Washington D.C. and submits a report to Chief of Staff Carl Anheuser, who immediately takes him to see US President Thomas Wilson. In 2010, Wilson tells other heads of state and heads of government the situation at the 36th G8 summit and the creation of a number of arks begin in preparation for the world ending. To fund the venture, billionaires are allowed a ticket for one billion euros.

In 2012, Jackson Curtis is a divorced father who works as a limousine driver and writer. His ex-wife Kate and their children Noah and Lily live with her new boyfriend, plastic surgeon Gordon. Jackson takes Noah and Lily on a camping trip to Yellowstone, where they meet Charlie Frost, a radio show host and conspiracy theorist who believes in the Mayans' prediction of the world ending in 2012. The family return home as cracks begin to develop along the San Andreas Fault in California and earthquakes occur in the San Francisco Bay area. Despite government assurances that all is fine, Jackson grows suspicious and hires a private plane to rescue his family and Gordon. As the Earth's crust displacement begins, Jackson collects his family and escapes Los Angeles as it collapses into the Pacific Ocean.

As millions begin dying in apocalyptic earthquakes the world over, the group flies back to Yellowstone to collect a map from Charlie so they can try and reach the arks. They narrowly escape as the Yellowstone Caldera erupts, killing Charlie who remains behind to watch. Realising the arks are in China, the group lands in Las Vegas and meets up with Russian billionaire Yuri Karpov, who Jackson works as a limo driver for. Karpov, his twin sons, girlfriend Tamara and pilot, Sasha join the group as they head across the Pacific.

President Wilson meanwhile elects to stay behind in Washington D.C., and dies when the carrier, the USS John F. Kennedy smashes into the White House, caused by a tsunami hitting the city, while Anheuser escapes with Helmsley and First Daughter Laura Wilson (Thandie Newton) on Air Force One, also bound for the arks. In the wake of the President's death, the Vice President being killed in a helicopter crash outside Pittsburgh, and the Speaker of the House missing Anheuser appoints himself Commander-in-Chief.

Crash-landing in the Himalayas (which kills Sasha), Jackson and his family (along with Tamara) are deserted by Karpov, who has a ticket for himself and his sons onto the arks. However, the group is able to get aboard with the help of a Buddhist monk, Nima and his brother Tenzin who worked on the ark project.

Tsunamis begin to engulf the Indian peninsula as heads of state, hand-picked individuals chosen to repopulate the Earth and the rich elite who bought the tickets begin boarding. Adrian realises they have much less time than anticipated and Anheuser orders the arks be sealed early, although in conference with other G8 leaders Adrian, quoting Jackson's book, manages to convince them to open the gates and let the remaining people on board.

Below decks Jackson's group is sneaking aboard, but as the gates open again, Gordon falls between two gears and is crushed. As the gates start to close once more, Yuri sacrifices his life to get his two sons on in time, and Tamara drowns in a compartment. Jackson realizes their entry into the ark has jammed the door mechanism, setting the entire ark on a crash course with Mount Everest. Together with his son, Jackson fixes the problem in time for the ark to suffer only minimal damage from hitting the mountainside.

When the flood eventually recedes, satellite data shows that Africa rose in sea level and may not have flooded at all. As three arks set sail for the Cape of Good Hope, Jackson reconciles with his family and Helmsley starts a relationship with Laura. The movie ends with a view of the world showing the dramatically changed African continent.
_________________________________________________________________
I went to Mid Valley today with huiteng, tongyang, chanhon, kimberly and jan sen while i'm off from work today. Only jan sen and I was watching 2012. It was something like "The Day After Tomorrow", just it has more touching scenes and devastating happenings. Many people died. I dunno whether Mayans' prediction will be true, but I know someday our Earth will be something like this, no life could escape. Be noted, we were warned.

Perfectionist

2009-11-11T21:33:00.006+08:00

Eventually, I realised I have been a hard perfectionist. I hope it's not too late to enjoy my life.

p.s Impurities in life symbolize a complete life. Imperfections in one's personality represent one's humanity.

1st Anniversary

2009-11-08T21:04:00.007+08:00

To my dearest SONIA,

HAPPY 1ST YEAR ANNIVERSARY.
I LOVE YOU,
NOW AND ALWAYS
TILL ETERNITY...

love,
SHAWN

One year flew past, and we are still here. I'm glad that I have you beside me. I dunno sweet words, I dunno lots of things, neither am I a good partner, but I just want to say, Thanks and LOVE you always. Muax

_________________________________________________________

Thanks dear, my baby for trying your best to come out. muax
Thanks dear for loving me a year. muax
Thanks tong yang, hui teng and chan hon for baking a cake for us. (and successfully deceived me)
Thanks kimberly for your presence though you were not free.
Thanks pamela for your belated wish.

p.s. I really love the movie [Phobia 2]

冷战

2009-11-03T22:56:00.000+08:00

你把我当成石膏再不跟我吵是不是一种预告
假装都看不到不再重要我不会再跟你闹

无言是一种毒药更像一把刀切开我们的拥抱
到底爱剩多少需要思考承诺随爱蒸发掉
不想再当配角安静让我动摇我想逃跑

我听到你冷战的心跳两败俱伤的记号闪躲不了
我知道莫名其妙求饶也不会是解药不如弃权走掉
面对冷的空气冷的墙壁冷到昏迷冷到我真的快窒息
冷战到何时能平息放我离去//
就让回忆停止呼吸成冰

YE TRIP

2009-10-16T22:06:00.005+08:00

Followed a trip to Giant today. Of course not shopping and all that. What we did was exploring the business management of Giant and overview the history of Giant. The meeting room was really really cold. I was like shaking all the while in the room. I FEEL COLD. After looked at all the slide shows and business handling and marketing strategies, we went to EXPLORE the inner operations part. We explored the COLD STORAGE ROOM where the temperature is -18 degree Celsius. We also entered a room where the "Biggest-Cendul-in-the-world" is placed (look at the photo). Went to the store too and see how they managed the in-and-out system (named vacuum system). Too many things. Photos are at Xpertise Facebook (they'll upload).

the so called "Biggest Cendul" (ice mountain)

AMCHAM Interview

2009-10-10T13:27:00.006+08:00

I'm back.
We, the seven directors had made through the AMCHAM (American Malaysian Chamber of Commerce) Interview. Well, we were so tensed before that. I'm glad we really had fun during the interview. We joked, we shared, and we laughed. After two days of preparation, everything was fine. TQ to Hudra and Daniel and Pn.Tan too. Thanks to dear too for wishing me. Mostly they asked about our experiences, management of the company, financial statement, leadership, teamwork, best product, challenges and lessons. I hope we impressed them. Thanks Barbara for the photos. And We got "Most Profitable Stall" and 1st runner up for "Best Annual Report Award".

男人最期待的女友

2009-10-07T20:38:00.002+08:00

一段真诚的亲密关系始于当男方感受到女方“真正爱他”。

“当我提出她使我感到压力时，她能够欣然接受，而不指责我吹毛求疵或不爱她。我希望她能够依我们讨论的方法将彼此关系拉近。”

“她能承认自己也有自私的一面，我不是唯一以自我为中心的人，她自己对於爱情的付出也有限，甚至有时她只是利用我去满足她的要求；此外，我也不希望她潜意识里隐藏著一些对男人的刻板印象及负面感觉。”

“她知道沟通应该是双向的。当我们争执後能平静地讨论原因，我希望她知道我的激烈反应有部分受她影响所致。我不希望被指为是“有问题的一方”或“不懂如何爱人”

“她爱的是真正的我，而不是她幻想中完美的我。我不希望自己只是去满足她的浪漫幻想，因为我知道现实并非如此，结果可能会令她更失望。”

“她不会因我或我们的关系而牺牲她身边的其他事物；因为她这样做，会使我感到被迫付出多於我愿意付出的。换句话说，我希望我所爱的女人能够了解：当我付出比她期望的少，不一定是我的错。”

“她能够容许我有自己的意见，不会认为我的意见不当，而强迫改变我。”

“当碰到问题时，她能够与我并肩作战；当我们发生争执时，她能够视它为一种拉近彼此距离的沟通方法，而不会认为我提出问题是在找麻烦。”

“她不会过分要求我超越自己的能力去令她快乐。我也不希望她改变自己来迎合我，并希望我为她的牺牲负责，“她不要只告诉我对我们的关系有任何不满，而是要提出一些如何改善的方法。我不希望老是得猜测她的想法，现在她是否不高兴？当问题出现时，被告知它的存在是不够的；我更希望她与我一同解决问题。”

“我也许是比较自我的人，但我不希望我的动机被误会；更不希望当我有甚麽做得不恰当时，就被认为是不重视这份感情。”

“她能够给予我所希望得到的；而不是她希望我得到的东西。”

“她不会过分高估或低估我，我只是一个普通人—有优点亦有缺点，我跟她一样也有脆弱的一面。”

-取自非常健康网，非本人议论-

Halves

2009-10-06T20:53:00.003+08:00

Sorry for leaving this blog DEAD for this long time though no one is reading it.
Tormented by exams which consist of 22papers and having hallucination after each paper is my daily routine for almost about a month. And I'm so relieved that i'm still alive.
Oh yea, 'halves' means half of me is awaiting to break free from handcuffs of the utmost hazardous boring lifestyle I've ever had. Another half...still in exam mood.=S
I got quite lots of plans to revive my under-torturing life.Lets see.

1. OUTINGS and DATINGs.
I've been staying at home for almost everyday since August and I can't wait to breath in some fresh air. Hope not H1N1 viruses.

2. KARAOKE.
Honestly, not really going to sing, but to scream. Release some tension or you'll see me in Tanjung Rambutan.

3. BOOKS.
Duh, definitely NOT textbooks. I've missed out lots of books and I'm going to chase them back.

4. ADVENTUROUS ACTIVITIES.
Kayaking, Paintball, Rock Climbing......hope so.

5. DANCES & EXERCISES.
erm. i hate the me NOT doing ANY exercises as I'm sitting,eating and studying. My muscles are starting to lose. =(

6. MOVIES, COMICS, DRAMAS.
I'm so so so outdated about them. They served as side entertainment.

7. ENHANCE MY LEADING SKILLs & SELF-UPGRADE.
I really need them for a better KRS' future.

8. ADD MATHS.X(
I really can't believe I did SO BAD in this final. I can't get over it. Perhaps a little per day?

9. VACATION.
I really want it but too bad, my dad is working hard everyday. Anyone wants to bring me?

p.s. 4 more papers to go. Will be back "soon".

被写意的人生 --黄咏鸣作品

2009-08-29T21:27:00.009+08:00

我，望着天空的云朵，想起在地理课所学的一切，云是温空气上升凝结后所聚成的。对我而言，其实，云也只不过是一面镜子。

我努力的在修补着我们感情的破洞，眼泪掉了一滴又一滴，数落着自己的不是，也探讨着你对我的残酷。讨厌你的自私，更讨厌自己的懦弱。讨厌你要的完美，更讨厌自己的瑕疵。此时，天空的云，是如此地玉白清晰，让我爱上了它。它慢慢地，变成了一男一女正在牵手的图案。我笑了，因为我发现，无论如何，我们都有错！

我努力的在埋头苦读，誓要把书中的，天上的，地下的知识都吞食。即使眼睛累得在向大脑抱怨，眼泪在拼命地献上自己的生命，我只能说声对不起，不要怪笨拙的脑袋，因为它只不过在听取我这个主人的嘱咐。此时，天空的云，是如此的乌黑，心中的恐惧黑暗也无法和它媲美。我笑了，因为我发现，无论如何，我应该睡了！

我努力汲取所学的，一定要牢牢地记住所有舞步。身躯疲惫得很，许多的清晨身体酸痛的无法驾驭，我无法放纵自己，无法放弃自己的理想，就只能用自己唯有的意志力让自己屈服，让自己屈服于自己的膝下。裸露着上身，看到了云朵，是如此的金碧辉煌，夕阳无限好，我沉迷。我笑了，因为我发现，无论如何，我该进餐了！

我努力的做着仰卧挺身，平地俯身，地板瑜伽，仰翻后身。我不容许自己软弱的一面赤裸裸的袒现于人眼前。我只允许自己以最佳的状态表露人前。即使身躯早因跳舞而伤痕累累，我从不放弃。依旧裸露着上身，健身时，看见了云朵，是如此的蔚蓝爽快，和我荷尔蒙一起起伏。我笑了，因为我发现，无论如何，流汗真好啊！

我又笑了，因为我发现，无论是洁白如玉的白云，黑深朦朦的黑云，阳气十足的黄云，还是蔚蓝似海的蓝云，我都一样爱，因为还有让我心脏红彤彤的红云。

谢谢你，写意了我的人生。

See ya

2009-08-24T20:45:00.007+08:00

Hey dudes. I won't be around to blog. Exams are around. I can't afford to screw my exam once again. I'll be back after exam. Erm..meaning October. Anything just leave comments in chat box, I'll be reading. Or I'll be blogging other blogs. Stay tuned, I'll be back.

p.s Sej, Bio, Math, Add Math and everything, love me please.

Resilient

2009-08-22T22:10:00.007+08:00

Thanks for letting me stop crying. I was crying non-stop, but then I saw you. You've shown me how resilient are you. You were so outstanding, stood out of all idiot dust, still green.

p.s. you dunno I cried.

incapable me

2009-08-21T21:13:00.005+08:00

urgh. holidays, so? also study time.
i'm still indulging in my own thoughts, thinking the incapable me.
I've my VERY HARD TIME since the very early me.
I've never gotten approval from people.
I feel i'm just a 代替品.
and i dont have confident, RIGHT NOW.

p.s. i don't want to cry anymore because of this thought.

haiz

2009-08-20T21:53:00.004+08:00

i'm once again lost. I'm once again confused. I'm not having confidence. i doubt myself. i question myself. i doubt everything of mine. i've an "immaculate" heart with a "dilapidated" outlook, causing people dislike, or rather hate me. URGH! Do you understand me enough?

p.s. i'm confused whether i am the right person.

Dance Arena 09

2009-08-16T18:09:00.006+08:00

22/8/09,
7pm-11pm,
Taylor's University College main campus,
8 Guess Watches for lucky draw.

Should I go?

Tagged by Jia En and Christine

2009-08-15T17:22:00.003+08:00

1. The person who tag you is: Chong Jia En
2. Your relationship with him/her is: My KRS junior and friend
3. Your first impression of him/her is: super hyper high
4. The most memorable moments with them: KRS activity
5. The most memorable thing he/she has said to you is: I trust you can do K.Komander
6. If he/ she became your lover, you will: freaking impossible
7. If he/she became your lover, what should he/she improve at: impossible.
8. If he/she becomes yr enemy, what would you do: why?
9. If he/she becomes yr enemy, the reason will be: I'm a bad K.Komander
10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is: good luck in her love.
11. Your overall impression on him/her: perfectionist
12. The characteristic you love most about yourself: high self-esteem
13. The characteristic you hate most about yourself: perfectionist
14. The most ideal person you want to be is: a good leader and a good listener
15. For people who care and love you, say something to them: I LOVE YOU.
16. Pass this quiz to 10 ppl who you want to know how they feel about you.
if you want to do...
_______________________________________________________________________
if you're a guy - post this as "my kind of girl"
if you're a girl - post it as "my kind of guy"
to whichever gender you prefer, really.

1. Do you need him/her to be good looking?well, of course. I don't mean have to be pretty good, but just nice.
2. Smart?sometimes knows how to act "stubborn"
3. Preferred age?age is not a matter, but not old ladies.erm not older than me 1 year.
4. Preferred height?shorter than me,but not too short nor too tall.
5. How about sense of humor?Cheer me up when i'm emoing.
6. How about piercings?NOOO.
7. Accepts you for who you are?yesss
8. Pink hair?NOOOO..
9. Mushy or no?what's mushy?
10. Thin or fat?slim. have what should be there.
11. Black, Brown, Yellow or White (skin color)?Chinese are ideal :)
12. Long hair or short hair?doesnt matter
13. Plastic or metal?what..??
14. Smells good?not because of perfumes.
15. Smoker?NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
16. Drinker?up to her, but not addicted to wine or beers. But I LOVE THEM.
17. Girl/Boy-next-door type?not necessary
18. Muscular?huh. women who are stronger than me are scary.
19. Plays piano?love it.
20. Plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?it's fine to me.
21. Plays violin?tat's GREAT. I LOVE CELLO.
22. Sings very well?YESSS! duet with me.
23. Vain?erm. vain about herself is good, but not too much.
24. With glasses?doesn't matter. preferably not.
25. With braces?as long as it comes off at last.
26. Shy type?nope. i wants courage
27. Rebel or good boy/girl?good girl.
28. Active or passive?half & half
29. Tight or bomb?in mood and feelings? erm, just gotta be smooth. I HATE TEMPER.
30. Singer or dancer?BOTH!!
31. Stunner?no.
32. Hiphop?yes.
33. Earrings?why not?
34. Mr/Ms. count-my-ex-boy/girlfriends-until-you-drop?NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
35. Dimples?what it means?
36. Bookworm?as long as she is not a nerd
37. Mr/Ms. love letter?not necessary. I prefer realistic things, especially realistic ACT.
38. Playful?Sometimes?
39. Flirt?NO. but yes, to me.
40. Poem writer?erm, who cares?
41. Serious?depends
42. Campus crush?preferably.
43. Painter?huh?
44. Religious?yes. GOD is everything.
45. Someone who likes to tease people?love tease is okay, but not on sensitive issues.
46. Computer games geek? Or internet freak?NOOO.
47. Speaks 20 languages?CRAZY!
48. Loyal or faithful?MUST!!!
49. Good kisser?hmm. not necessary, i'll lead. XD
50. Loves children??yea. i love children too, but NOT for me NOW.

I LoVe yOu.

2009-08-12T22:35:00.003+08:00

Dear, I miss you so much. No word can express my feeling now. Wordless. Because the feeling of missing is so strong. Just wish the world has nothing but you and me. Others are just distraction.
I strongly believe that we can last long because we've gone through too much. I also know that I've not been a good partner for these 9 months. We both sacrifice and tolerated a lot. And we know how much we love each other.

我要把天上的星星摘下给你，可是你要等到一千年以后，等到科技允许我。因为我相信我们会在一起，直到一千年以后，甚至到地球毁灭为止。

Dedicated to my love, sonia.
p.s i love you.

低调

2009-08-09T21:07:00.000+08:00

我的难过是如此低调，傻子才会哭闹，就算你发现也好，我想你一定会选择假装不知道，只怕我自己的掩饰不够好。

i'm tired...again

2009-08-08T20:58:00.000+08:00

addicted to Lala's songs. And i'm tired again recently. and I'm addicted to Physics again. Love Physics. Nothing much to say. Everything gotta be smooth, please.

acupuncture

2009-08-04T22:12:00.002+08:00

Health is wealth. Well, I realised that. Lately, my health has been in a red light. Went to see doctor. Not western type. Is those kena acupuncture one.
Doctor : You're almost sick adi.
Me : ..... (speechless)
Doctor : What time you usually sleep?
Me : erm..unfix. usually 11something.
Doctor : so late..you must sleep at 10. You've freaking insufficient sleeping time.
Me : oh.
Doctor : You cannot drink mineral water, no cold things, no fried things, no pedas and masam.
Me : oh. (so sad)
Measure blood pressure.
Doctor : you've low blood pressure because not enough sleep.
Me : oh (haiz,again)
Acupuncture session....
pay money session .... :X

And now..i havent sleep.. Bleh..
rush out,
wming

咏鸣金句

2009-08-02T20:50:00.001+08:00

要成功的代价，就是付出健康。
那么我宁愿失败。

Activity-Competition-Sales

2009-08-01T21:09:00.002+08:00

I'M FREAKING TIRED!!! Woke up at the morning at 6.30a.m. Rush to KRS activity. Then rush to that bloody hell don't-know-what Chinese Competition, then rush to YE Annual Sales. I'M CRAZY. I mean, I've no time to rest lar. Keep on yawning.
KRS activity - TQ for coming and I had fun for games.
Chinese Competition - Well, I just go for fun and I know nothing.
YE Annual Sales - GREAT JOB. I mean it's already very very good.

I'm Back

2009-07-31T18:41:00.001+08:00

HOORAY!! Finally I'm back! I mean the happy me! I was so emo before that, depressing about the issue where I broke my own missions. And now finally I released my mind. I had a totally happy time today. I've done my BM and BI oral. Both were totally a mess. But who cares, I mean I've finished them. Especially BI oral, Hong Jian and I were just playing some no pass-pass thing and don't play play castle. Well, got nothing to do during BM lessons and amazingly I brought reference book to read. I mean....WOW.. BC was as boring as usual. The happiest will be BI and Sivik lessons. We, The Potato Big Family, drawing all sorts of expressions on our hands, and we took a snap (with JiaLing)! After that, I conducted my 1st ever meeting as Ketua Komander. Chat with dear after that, never expect Pn.Chua is actually a good teacher, i mean not bad lar. Took bus home.

p.s waist hurts again!!! It pains. But I'm going to dance anyway.

I'm tired

2009-07-26T18:55:00.003+08:00

Had outing to Sunway. Watched "Land of The Lost". It's funny, but I hardly can laugh. Emo-ed the whole day. Sorry buddies, I know I shouldn't spoil all of your mood. TQ for trying to make me smile and belanja me makan.
巨蟹座-无法维持工作热情的一周，感觉力不从心，精神散涣。
生肖鸡-目前的工作环境，被黑暗包围，勾心斗角之事四起。

THANK YOU

2009-07-25T14:49:00.003+08:00

Rebecca takes over Pen.Logistik.
Sui Lun, thank you.

Thank you to everybody. Everybody means you as well.
Thank you for your support.
Hope everybody will give me your cooperation. Everybody means you too.
I'll try and do my best.

p.s. I got no money to belanja leh.

Damn

2009-07-24T21:23:00.002+08:00

To: ChanHon, HuiTeng and TongYang,

Don't use ice-cream this tactic already okay?

p.s. you purposely use my favourite ice-cream to soften me?
p.s. huiteng you owes me ice-cream.

Randomization

2009-07-21T20:46:00.002+08:00

Haiz. I dunno what has happened to me today. I was kind of very down and emo. Wanted dear to cheer me up, but can't too, because her heart has yet be warmed up by me. Walked into class, sat down, wanna sleep actually (slept at 12midnight last night) and very hungry too. But then tongyang just occupied me by asking me all sorts of questions regarding the moral project and telling me his "topic". Then, we chatted dunno all sorts of topics for BM and BC. Then I moved to front to talk with Jia Ling and Chan Hon. RECESS then. Ate very little. Dun wan dear to wait, still hungry de. Sry for buying chipsmore to dear again. She told me lots of sad things again X(. I just hate her BM teacher, such an annoyer. Went back to class. Chatted with Pamela and Chan Hon. Lots of jokes like commit suicide when emo, imagine tongyang's gaming face...Mr.Tee's boring face came into view. Tongyang and I moved to front again and talked craps like the comparing "thing", Mr.Tee's extraordinary face and bla bla bla. We paid extraordinary attention during BI lesson. Nothing to say about Chemistry, Pn.CYB came back and Miss LHH left. Jia Ling just too active and naughty, fell down from staircase.

p.s Jia Ling, you were just too random saying ty and I are twins.

他不快乐时，做他的开心果

2009-07-20T18:13:00.003+08:00

-要她逗我笑。
-学会察言观色，不用等对方开口，才知道发生了什么事。
-讨厌另一半不停追问。
-不是一味地表达自己的看法。
-适当时做适当的事。
-只要静静的陪在身边。
-不可以问长问短。
-不可以不闻不问。
-不可以说不。
-刺激我的味蕾吧。

巨蟹座的爱情EQ - 5分
（当巨蟹选择对方为爱情对象时，心里早已把对方当作是白头到老的伴侣了。当感情无疾而终时，最痛苦就是巨蟹了。他无法相信这是个事实。他还要假装坚强，确实需要时间去疗伤。）
双鱼座的爱情EQ - 1分
（梦幻的他，爱情是生活的全部，因爱而开心，因爱而痛苦。喜欢在爱情世界里钻牛角尖，一旦出现漏洞。感情也因此决堤，痛苦排山倒海涌出。）

credits to CITTABELLA.

Lyrical Dance

2009-07-18T20:11:00.001+08:00

You know what!!?? I love it. This is what we call Lyrical Dance!!!

2009-07-17T21:45:00.000+08:00

就在这天，我的精神病复发了。

Tagged by Amy (so many!!!)

2009-07-12T13:24:00.010+08:00

1. The person who tagged you:
Amy Phang
2. Your relationship with him/her is:
friend
3. Your first impression of him/her is:
concern about friends
4. The most memorable moments with he/she is:
during Form 1
5. The most memorable thing he/she has said to you is:
我觉得你很伟大
6. If he/she became your lover, what should he/she improve that:
NEVER LARH!!!
7. If he/she becomes your enemy, what will you do:
...what can I do?
8. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be:
he/she did something bad and unforgivable
9. The most desired things you want to do for him/her now is :
just wish her happy with her bf.
10. Your overall impression on him/her is :
easily influenced by friends
11. The characteristic you hate most about yourself :
being too good.
12. The most ideal person you want to be is:
a person with lots of fans..LOL..jkjk
13. For people who care and love you, say something to them:
I LOVE YOU ALL TOO! THANK YOU
14. Pass this quiz to 10 people who want to know how they feel about you :
1- Chan Hon
2- Hui Teng
3- Khai Xian
4- Hui Li
5- Jia Ling
6- Celine
7- Pamela
8- Suzanna
9- Zhi Min
10- Jan Sen

15. Who is 6 having relationship with?
erm..my buddy. YH
16. Is 9 a male or a female?
female
17. What is 2 studying at the moment?
science stream
18. Who was the last person you had a chat with?
Jia Ling and Pamela during Night Gathering
19. What kind of music does 8 like?
I only know she likes the Korea Band
20. Does 1 have any sibling?
i doubt it
21. Is 4 single?
think so.
22. What is the surname of 5?
cheah
23. What's the hobby of 3?
dunno wor.
24. Do 7 and 9 get along well?
i don't think they know each other.
25. Where is 10 studying at?
chs pj
26. Say something casual about your eyes :
restless
27. Have you tried developing feelings for 2?
NEVER EVER!!!
28. Where does 9 lives?
erm...forgotten
29. What colour does 4 like?
blue?
30. Are 5 and 1 good friends?
yes
31. Does 2 like 7?
yup
32. How did you get to know 8?
same class tis year
33. Does 3 have any pets?
no idea.
34. Is 7 the sexiest person in the world?
sorry, not to me.
35. Are you sexy?
can i say yes?
36. What am i doing now?
wanting to shriek
__________________________________________________________

1.被点到的一定要填，不填代表你不尊敬点给你的人和问卷
2.老实的回答每一题问题
3.不行乱改题目
4.写完一定要点8位朋友，不可不点
5.写完后请通知那8位被点到的朋友
6.完成后，请告诉点你的人

-----点给------
1 Chan Hon
2 Pamela
3 Jia Ling
4 Hui Teng
5 Celine
6 Suzanna
7 Jan Sen
8 Zhi Min

-----個人題 - 10 題-----
01.你叫什么：Shawn Ng Weng Ming
02 你的綽號：shawny, ming ming, 阿弟
03 你的血型：?
04 你的星座：巨蟹座
05 你是男還是女：男
06 你幾歲：16+
07 你住哪裡：蒲钟
08 你現在的學校 : SMJK Katholik, Petaling Jaya
09 你有沒有手機 : 有
10 承上，那是多少：？

-----朋友題 -----
11 你最要好的朋友（限１個）：想不出
12 你最討厭的人（限１個）：ty
13 你最正的女性朋友（限１個）：当然是我女友
14 你最帥的男性朋友（限１個）：都蛮帅
15 什麼樣的女生你最討厭：Cheap, Immature, 很自大,不理人感受
16 什麼樣的男生你最討厭：Childish, 不尊敬女生, 满嘴粗口, 婆婆妈妈
17 你的好朋友有誰（不限）：krs friends, 4S10 friends
18 你經常和哪位朋友出去：我很宅
19 你身邊最憨的朋友（限１個，不能自己）: ty (另一个）
20 你身邊最可愛的朋友（限１個）: ...

-----情題 - １５題-----
21 你有沒有喜歡的人：有
23 如果没有，你希望什麼時候有另一半: 我更成熟时
24 到目前為止，你跟多少人告白過：3个
25 到目前為止，你被多少人告白過：数不到
26 到目前為止，你交過多少個男／女朋友：4
27 你現在有另一半嗎: 有
28 你最好的同性朋友跟你告白你會怎樣：不知所措
29 你初戀情人突然跟你告白你會接受嗎：不会
30 你為什麼會喜歡你現在喜歡的人：就因为我爱她
31 你和另一半牽手過嗎：有
32 你的另一半抱或親過嗎: 其一
33 你跟異性牽手過嗎：玩游戏的时候
34 是誰，你們什麼關係：普通朋友
35 現在有人在追你嗎：我哪懂！

------混合題 - １０題------
36 如果有天，好朋友離你而去，你會怎樣：伤心
37 如果有天，好朋友背叛你，你會：心死
38 如果有天，好朋友對你喜新厭舊了，你會：失望
39 如果你很受不了你的父母，你會離家出走嗎：绝对不会
40 你上課認真嗎 : 有时而已
41 你功課好不好：还好
42 你开电腦都在幹麻：工作，聊天，上网
43 你的即时通有多少个同性: 懒得去算
44 你的即時通裡有多少個異性：懒得去算

------兇手題 - 1 0 題------
45 傳給你這份問卷的人是誰：Amy Phang
46 这個人對你好不好：还好
47 這個人是你的誰：朋友
48 你有喜歡過這個人嗎：没有
49 你們認識多久了：四年
50 這個人是怎樣的人：关心朋友的人
51 這個人正／帥嗎：okay lar
52 這人跟你有沒有在一起过：没可能
53 萬一你喜歡這個人，你會怎麼办: 不可能

------聯想題 - １０題------
56 說到正妹你會想到誰：蔡依林, my baby
57 說到帥哥你會想到誰：很多（绝不会是周杰伦）
58 說到憨你會想到誰：TY
59 說到痴你會想到誰：Chan Hon
60 說到暗戀你會想到誰：...
61 說到出去玩你會想到誰：Jia Ling
62 說到聰明鬼你會想到誰：Fiona
63 說到傻子你會想到誰: YewHo
64 說到笑點低你會想到誰：Xian Rui
65 說到愛笑你會想到誰：Desmond

------學校題 - 1 1 題------
66 你的班導是誰: En. Rizal
67 你的座位是第幾排第幾個：2nd row from doors. last 2nd row.
68 你最喜歡的老師是誰：Miss Lee, a trainee (recently)
70 你的英文好嗎：还可以被明白 X(
71 你的體育好嗎：还好
72 你的数学好么：还可以
73 你喜不喜歡你的校長：不喜欢现在的
74 你的學校好看嗎：还好
75 你的班級是：4S10
76 你的班級在幾樓：2楼 including ground floor.
_________________________________________________________

RULE 1: You can only say Guilty or Innocent.
RULE 2: You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks! ( So, if you want an explanation.. Please comment.)

Now, here's what you're supposed to do... And please do not spoil the fun. Copy and paste this into your notes , delete my answers, type in your answers and tag 20 of your friends to answer this. Then see what happens.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Asked someone to marry you?Innocent
Kissed one of your Facebook friends?Guilty
Danced on a table in a bar?Innocent
Ever told a lie?Guilty
Had feelings for someone whom you can't have back?Innocent
Ever kissed someone of the same sex?Innocent
Kissed a picture?Innocent
Slept in until 5 PM?Innocent
Fallen asleep at work/school?Innocent
Held a snake?Innocent
Been suspended from school?Guilty
Worked at a fast food restaurant?Innocent
Stolen from a store?Guilty
Been fired from a job?Innocent
Done something you regret?Guilty
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?Guilty
Caught a snowflake on your tongue?Guilty
Kissed in the rain?Innocent
Sat on a roof top?Innocent
Kissed someone you shouldn't?Guilty
Sang in the shower?Innocent
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?Guilty
Shaved your head?GUILTY
Slept naked?Innocent
Had a boxing membership?Innocent
Made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?Guilty
Been in a band?Innocent
Shot a gun?Innocent
Donated Blood?Innocent
Eaten alligator meat?Guilty
Eaten cheesecake?INNOCENT
Still love someone you shouldn't?Guilty
Have/had a tattoo?Innocent
Liked someone, but will never tell who?Innocent
Been too honest?Innocent
Ruined a surprise?Guilty
Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you can't walk afterwards?Guilty
Erased someone in your friends list?Innocent
Dressed in a woman's clothes (if your a guy) or man's clothes (if your a girl)?Guilty
Joined a pageant?Innocent
Been told that you're handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said?Innocent
Had communication with your ex?Innocent
Dating Someone?Guilty
Get totally drunk one night and you have an important exam tomorrow morning?Innocent
A total stranger treat you by paying your public transportation fare?Guilty
Get totally angry that you cried so hard?Innocent

I tag - whoever wants to do this.

Efforts

2009-07-07T19:45:00.004+08:00

My efforts were not wasted.
I'm a corporal now.
I've succeeded my camp.
I got no scolding from seniors and ex-seniors.
I'm happy.
My mental problem has stopped.
And I'm happy because "someone" kena scolded.
I'm happy because I don't care how many marks my paper scored.
I'm really glad that I've people supporting me around.

P.S. I love KRS!!!

Bye

2009-07-01T22:23:00.004+08:00

will not update. busy. tired. emo. sad. no consolation. no comfort. scolding everywhere.blaming everywhere.camp.KRS.YE.ignore me. bye

p.s. eventually, i've mental problems. funny.

Shut up.

2009-06-30T18:45:00.003+08:00

I'll shut up. I'll never ever talk again. I knew it. I never knew concern about friends will be scolded. And now I knew it. I'll stop being busy body and keep my mouth shut. Don't worry, I'll never ever ask anything or say anything.

P.S. Shut my ass hole mouth up.

Thank You.

2009-06-28T17:49:00.007+08:00

Thank you to all my babe and dude.
Thanks My Baby for going out with me, for giving me a wonderful present. Muaxz
Thanks My Pet Sister,Ley Kuan for becoming the 2nd to wish me. You're a wonderful sister.
Thanks My Big Dear Friend YewHo that wish me the 3rd and you get me a rubic cube^^
Thanks My same-birthday-dude Yip Chee. Happy Birthday too.
Thanks Hui Teng, Gerald, Khai Xian and the cicakwoman --Ce.Li.Ne for wishing me.

Thanks to Jolin's Fan Club Malaysia for wishing me happy birthday by email.
Thanks to my Tagged Friends for wishing me by tag.
Thanks to everyone else who wishes me later.^^

p.s. Happy birthday to me and Yip Chee.

2009-06-26T20:42:00.003+08:00

I do not want to have 精神分裂症. It's terrible. I cry everyday. I got illusion which never happens. When I stressed out, I'll start to have lotsa thoughts that are crazy. I started to pull my hairs which I have never used to do. I love my hairs I know it. I'll pretend that i'm extremely well in front of everyone but i'll cry whenever no one is around. What can I do now? I'm worried about it now.

I thought I could overcome this because at least I have her. But now, I don't think she understands me. I don't think she wants me to busy. I don't think she understands I got worse results than her and I hold my tears. I don't think she knows I pull my hairs often. I don't think she knows I gotta consult a doctor. She talks so loud or ignores me sometimes. I'm scared.

I got no support. Family knows nothing. Friends won't care. She just wants my time. I very scare. What if I......I won't de...I mean...i mean..i wont de.

P.S. A pyschologist will do, rite? I'll be safe rite?

Devastating

2009-06-25T21:00:00.003+08:00

I got really bad results this time. I think i'll be beaten by Fiona, Xian Rui and Hui Teng and many many more! Why must they be so smart? I think I got crazy. Everything just so out of my expectation. Am I supposed to say I'm just so weak and stupid? I cry everyday now, out of stress, out of results, out of my failure. I can smile and laugh in front of you, And I can cry behind you. I thought I could accept my poor results, but I think I don't really could to the fullest. I...dint try my best!

How can I convince people I got high marks when I myself do not satisfy! I know many people said 人心不足蛇吞象. But you just couldn't deny that my reputation, my dignity, my family, my uneasily satisfied heart need all these!

P.S. I am stupid.

History is repeating

2009-06-22T23:33:00.003+08:00

Exam just over. Never stop busy. Just finished setting the theory exam paper for Camp Pertauliahan. I can only say good luck and sorry for them. =.+
Busy preparing for camp. I really really very tired. Needa motivation and consolation. But I could get it from nowhere. Fine.
I do really hope this camp is a success. God, please bless me always. I'm scared of post mortem. It's one of the most horrible things in my life.
Sorry to all camp AJK. I know you all are tired. But please, two more weeks and it'll over. Thank you for all of your cooperation.
Busy, busy and busy. I just don't understand why people can go CC, can go shopping here and there, but I can only be locked in my piles of work. Unfair.

P.S. History is repeating. Dunno when will update. One word, BUSY.

失去

2009-06-13T13:09:00.002+08:00

发噩梦了。姐拿着刀追赶着我，要砍我。跑到爸妈的卧室，转过身，原来他们也一样。他们好像中了一种病毒似的。跑进他们房里的浴室。以为安全，我看到东扬，他一下子是拿着刀的人，一下子是要救我的人。刀砍从门外插进来，他为了救我，挡住了，流血。时间倒退，我挡住了，插中我心脏处，我不想他受伤。场地换了。我看到了那辆在变奏曲碾过小柔的车。我看到了小柔被四个轮子碾过的情景。车子走了。我看到的不是小柔，是浩明。她，躺在那儿，我就像俊杰一样，不知要怎么样，欲动却不敢。我又失去了一个我爱的人。我好害怕！！！哪一个我关心的人会是受害者呢？

我张开眼睛。拼命说，让我死，不是你们。让我死。让我死。

tired-moody-me

2009-06-08T14:15:00.008+08:00

I'm tired. Will not update till after exam, or even after KRS camp. I don't know. I'm extremely moody now. Don't light up my tail or I'll give you a burning flame. Don't care me. I don't deserve it. Just ignore me. I'm an example of failure. So forget about me. Only those who cares me at usual can call me. You know who you are.

Exam now. Y.E now. KRS now. Ignore me now. TQ

P.S at another blog.

《天使》--黄咏鸣作品--

2009-06-07T14:18:00.005+08:00

“我的心在呐喊！我的心在淌血！一张张让人锥心的照片映入我的灵魂之窗！我，到底怎么了？我，傻了吗？”

手依然滚动着滑鼠，电邮里的照片是如此的真实，逼切的牢抓住了我的心房。眼泪有了自己的生命，开始攀爬穿越我脸上的窟窿，流下。

脑海闪过的是一句金句：“人人都梦想着天使的降临，我却稳稳抓住了一个。”对啊！我想起来了！天使，我有啊！我家就有一个呢！他总是无忧无虑，不是嬉皮笑脸的，就是哭的噼里啪啦的。我爱上了他的笑声，我迷上了他的纯真，我更醉于他的无知。

咦，怎么和这电邮里的不一样呢？为什么他们都躺在血泊中？为什么他们脸上没有笑容？为什么。。。。。。为什么他们的身躯在腐烂着？啊！不可能的！不可能的！为什么？你们凭什么伤害他们？你们怎么可以。。。。。。把他们的灵魂，把他们的笑声，把他们的纯真，更把他们的无知给夺走呢？

“我想，在上天要眷顾的人的名单里，一定是漏了我的名字。如果我信命，那么一切的偶然都是命中注定的。如果我不信，那么一切的命中注定都是偶然的。等等！我。。。。。。不信，可是那些尸体是偶然的吗？不！不！不是这样的！一定是命中注定的。那，我信！”

望望周围，咦？我的天使呢？啊！不！我双手拍打在脸上，手指遮住了双眸。怎么了，怎么我的天使不见了？眼睛欲开，无胆。方才凑足了勇气，啊！啊！不要！为什么我的天使也在电邮里的照片？为什么他的身体在发紫？对，一定是我在幻想！

他，在对我求救吗？我一定要救他！我试着伸长双手，他的手却愈飘愈远，我再次闭起眼睛，我，又再次身坐在电脑室里。

“我每天的责任，就是努力想起自己，然后忘记自己。”

咦，怎么有身穿护士制服的人？这到底是哪里？我被无言的她们拉了起身，被拉到牢房里了。我，做错什么事吗？怎么有一盘药在那桌上？不是我的，我没病。那么药，是谁的呢？

“放我出去！放我出去！我没病！”

我的天使呢？救救我出去啊！我没病，我不需要吃药！我没有你们所谓的忧郁症。我没有病。天使，救我出去啊！

“如果真不能睡，就该清醒着面对。活在美化的过去，是种罪。”

之前的药效已过去了，之前的一切我已记起来了。我欲哭无泪，毕竟心已麻，泪已干；心已枯，泪已苦。天使般的婴孩啊，你在天堂过得好吗？妈对不起你。妈现在就来找你了，别急啊！

“其实，我不需要寻短。只是，醒来了，才发现，七天前我把我的最爱给杀死了。”

Feeling lonely is tiring

2009-06-04T20:49:00.003+08:00

What I need is just someone who can chat with me indefinitely. He or she will not get bored of me. He or she will just listen to me even though he/she is speechless. He or she will encourage me even though the words do not turn the situation any good. He or she will just sit beside me, supporting me when I don't know what can I say. He or she will just give me some advices although he/she is not expert. He or she will just enlighten my day in whatever way. He or she will just care me through some acts.
But I don't think this type of thing can happen to me. Everyone is busy. I wish to call, I wish to talk but I don't think I've that qualification to disturb people, telling people my problems. Everyone needs to study, and I need too. I just cannot let myself disturb people. What am I? I am just a normal and extremely normal person to everyone, don't even has a place..So i'll deal with it myself again. Used to it, don't I?

Again I'm facing so many problems to get commitment from my committees. I mean, I understand that everyone has he/she HAPPY HOLIDAYS,but at least don't leave me to deal with everything, can anot? I used how many time just planning camp things, everyone can just happy having their journey to here and there. I feel like i'm failing to organize a successful camp.

At least Y.E now got its own direction and everyone is doing work. But for those who didn't even appear once during holidays, you can wait and see what will I do.

I'm happy that I finished reading physics. I LOVE PHYSICS. You can come and ask me if you don't understand. Just loving it.

"THANK YOU" to those who urge me to sing during Yellow Celebration Day. So bad lar you all. But I miss everybody. I want to rewind till that day. Haiz

I really don't know how to dance already lar. So moody these few days, no mood to practice at all. I know I'll regret.

P.S. you know who you are.

I want a new me.

2009-06-02T21:14:00.003+08:00

I want a new me!!

I no longer want to indulge in my principles of life.
If you think you can, you can.

Holidays

2009-05-30T22:16:00.005+08:00

Holidays started..so?
I'm just become busier and busier.
I've to study but I got no time to do so.
I've to do all my Y.E. products.
I've to plan all my KRS camp stuff.
I've to brush up my dancing!
I'm going to have my four days dancing challenge.

What can I do?

Everyone wants me to help them.
Y.E. wants me to be there EVERYDAY.
KRS needs me to be there as a Camp Commander.
My academics need me to touch and study them.
My dancing needs lotsa practice.
And I want to do my best in the challenge.

Can anyone tell me what's the meaning of holidays?

Will Pan潘瑋柏-雙人舞MV

2009-05-23T22:38:00.000+08:00

sigh...

2009-05-21T20:45:00.005+08:00

Oops. I'm sighing.
Days and time flew past. And the feeling of hatred towards the exam is getting stronger.
I shall disappear until holidays get started.
And I shall stop busybody-ing and concentrate in my study.
BC,BM,BI,MATHS,MORAL AND SEJ, I'm coming to you. Please LOVE me.

P.S. Anyone wants to study with me? Contact me..^^

I feel like dying

2009-05-19T22:12:00.003+08:00

Finally, something has been decided and we're going to do something up tomorrow.
Finally, I feel like Hong Ken is helping me. I'm not helpless. But he's the only one.
Finally, I feel like people are concerning me. But just fews.
Finally, my feeling of want to die getting stronger and stronger. i'm tired
Finally, I admit solely I suck and I don't think i deserve a chance to live.
Finally, I am still alone.

No one holds me. No one pities me. No one understands me. And no one knows my heart.

I thinking of go die. I thinking of give up everything. I thinking of ends everything here.

Seriously, the feeling of commit suicide is growing. And I cant stop it.
I'm fighting. Fighting hard. Never stops. I never stops. But, i'm tired.

Dont say I'm pessimistic. Dont say I lost my rational thinking.
When you stand as me,you'll feel like killing urself too.
Because my life is terrible.

Please!!! I really beg you!!!

2009-05-18T21:22:00.003+08:00

Please!!! I really dunno what to do with my Y.E. product!!! Everyone can just go away with reasons stating they have their classes, this and that. I want to clarify something! I have my classes too. I skipped my class for 2 months just for Y.E. Anyone can help me in this? NO!!! I faced it alone. You all can simply say many of you can't come for Tues, so you all want to make it to Wed. And are you convincing me that you all can finish a whole product by one day Wed!!! With my experience, I can tell you it's impossible!!! And I've my class every Tues and Wed. but what to do!!! I skipped and you all cant!!! I'm really helpless. I'm the one facing teachers. I'm the one facing directors. I'm the one facing advisors. I'm the one holding Operations Director name and everyone can just simply blame on me for a little flaw. I'm finished, don't I? We started so well today! We chose the best we think, but it went so wrong when we came to materials session, and so we rechose a simple and dunno-what-its-point-that-can-attract-people product. And what to do now? HOW!!??

Please!!! I really really need some respect for my KRS camp meeting. Please respect me as a Camp Commander, okay? I'm tired as if i'm a fool. I wish to be firm but I treat you all as my camp colleagues!!! And pls, once again, please be reminded I'm starting to rush and push everyone. Once again, I really cant stand taking test every exam.

Please. I am very very tired. I feel like jumping off from a condo. Dont feel shock if you cant see me forever. But i'll resist. I'll try. I'll try hard...

P.S. I hope I can win this battle as I won during April. T_T

Needa Consolation

2009-05-17T13:50:00.003+08:00

Long time didn't update. Busy lifestyle covered me.
I really really need holidays, holidays without the need of study for exam.

I don't want to be nervous and scared for two months just because of my corporal test.
I don't want to be so tired everyday just for Y.E.
I don't want to be covered by piles of homework.
And I don't want to skip my class anymore.

Exam is coming soon. I've started nothing. Everyone and everything is pushing and rushing me. I need someone to hold my tears.

I want to sing. I want to dance. and I want to REST.

P.S. just like what my aunt said :"I am like a cartoon character, never stop working."

All of us are touched

2009-05-10T14:36:00.004+08:00

Kimberley :

Yea, you're right. We had trained for more than 20 hours. We had trained for about 7 days. And we were so perfect during that night. But still we disappointed you. WE ARE SO SORRY!!! T_T

This is your last year to conduct as you are already Form Five. We were nearly the champion, but then we corrupted everyone's dream. I wish the competition was held at that night. Worse than your expectation, and I saw you were so down after all.

It's true that we all had fun. Each and everyone of us learnt new things. But then still the feeling of "almost-got-it-but-it-disappeared" was terrible.

We all was speechless after the result. And we were so touched that you forgave us.

And among all the performances and practices we had done, I especially love the last one.

WengMing.

YELLOW!!! KUNING!!! FIRE!!!

2009-05-08T19:23:00.006+08:00

WE GOT NO.2 AND NEXT YEAR IS OURS.

GLORY GLORY RUMAH KUNING!
GLORY GLORY RUMAH KUNING!
GLORY GLORY RUMAH KUNING!
AND THE YELLOW GOES MARCHING ON ON ON !!!
KUNING! FIRE! KUNING! FIRE! KUNING! AHHHHH FIREEEE!!!

We really trained a lot for the marching, but we got no.4, can't deny that it disappointed us.

But we will NEVER give up!!!
We are still NO.1 in our heart.
We LOVE our fire spirit.
We LOVE our fire costume.
We LOVE coloured fire hair.

And WE LOVE YELLOW HOUSE!!!

DURING PREPARATION.

WE ATE DOMINO'S PIZZA AFTER MARCHING ^.^.^.^

PERKHEMAHAN PEOPLE =)
THEY WERE PLAYING STARCH SOLUTION =.=
YOU LOOK GREAT WITH YOUR TONGUE!!! xD

DURING SPORTS DAY!!!
I LOOK SO GAY WHEN THEY COLOURED MY NAILS BLACK!!!

I LOVE MY HAIR..NOT REALLY WANT TO WASH IT.
FIRST TIME I PUNK MYSELF UP.
I LOVE THE COLOURS!!! KUNING!!!!!!

I get too tired

2009-05-06T22:21:00.004+08:00

Stop cooling me. Stop colding me. Stop fooling me. Stop stabbing me. Stop hurting me. Stop killing me. Stop tiring me. Stop scolding me. Stop squinting me. Stop hating me. Stop disliking me. Stop penalizing me. Stop burden me. Stop requesting. Stop lying. Stop pushing me. Stop playing me. Stop calling me. Stop crying. Stop faking. Stop thinking. Stop heart beating. Stop everything.

Seriously

2009-05-04T21:57:00.004+08:00

Seriously, I had millions of thoughts here, but yet it's not easy to tell.
Seriously, I had millions of thoughts here, but I'm not sure whether you're the right person.
Seriously, I had millions of thoughts here, but you indulged in your own world.
Seriously, I had millions of thoughts here, but I don't think I can tell you.
Seriously, I had millions of thoughts here, but I think it shalt end here.

Yes, it shalt end here, with an immediate stop note.
Yes, it shalt end here, without any hesitation.
Yes, it shalt end here, without any lies.

But I wanna tell you.
But I wanna hesitate.
But I wanna drag you.
But I'm lying.

You never know because I never tell.
I never tell because you never know.